"In Limbo" 1^st Reg'm't N.Y.V.          

January 2. 1863

9 P.M.

 

My Dear Father,

                        I wrote you on the 31^st ulto. or last year a somewhat voluminous document, and told you more perhaps than I should about myself and affairs. You have troubles enough of your own, not to be worried with any of my little of vexations but then you know I have no confident here or adviser and it is an inexpressible relief to unburden one's self occasionally. Things with me are "in statu quo" and that is the worst thing I can say too. Birney is doing just what he did before, placing me unjustly in arrest in order to prevent my opposing or combatting his efforts to have my Reg'm't consolidated. To morrow is my fifth day and yet I have rec'd no hint or word as to the charges against me or the dreadful crime I have committed. In the meanwhile I have pretty well become assured of the motives activating him. He and Berry want another Star and have sworn a league "offensive & defensive" to assist each others aspirations. Berry hates him but needs his assistance and vice versa. Col. Ogan of the 40^th an illiterate, loafing corner-grogery, pot-house politician of our city and a vile democrat, is moving Heaven and Earth / to get a Star, and being an impudent, swaggering fellow and so influencing some Irish votes, is not without good hopes of being successful. He makes numerous visits to the Capitol, being allowed to go by Birney upon the understanding that he shall work for two. So with several others, all working for their own ends, they form a kind of masonic fraternity with the mottoe of "no scruples" "no principles" "no justice" "success at any cost" Birney is the big Tad pole in this dirty political Pool. The little Tads boost him up, and cling to him as he rises. Oh! is it not a terrible thing for our poor country! is it not just such selfish conduct that has caused our defeats and false steps? Is it not enough to disgust any right minded, any patriotic soul, who is so simple as to lose sight of his own profit in his one thought to save his dear old flag? I have seen much, and have felt dearly the effect of this mean, grovelling, personal "pat-riot-ism" I almost, dear Father, despair of success, and must with affright ponder on our "To-morrow" Alas! how true it is "that sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof" for was the evil of a whole week concentrated into one day the very Heavens would weep with shame, and the stars close their eyes forever. But I am afraid you will laugh at my moralizing and so will return to a very matter of fact, and better understood / topic, viz myself. I think Birney wants to consolidate the First with the 40^th You will remember he placed me without cause under arrest last August, and in the meanwhile urged repeatedly and strove hard to effect the disbandment of the First, and for the benefit of the 37^th and also the 40^th I helped to baffle him. Now he wants to do the same thing. He has already effected the consolidation of the 101^st & 37^th the 40^th & 87^th the 38^th & 55^th. Now comes the 40^th & 1^st To do this, he has managed to get Clancy back, and has thrust him upon us in the hopes that his return may again demoralize & upset the Reg'm't. He has been trying to get a hold on me to get me out of the way. He has found none. He must be able to report of my Reg'm't to get it disbanded that "The Colonel is under arrest, the Major is a blackguard, the officers are all the while quarreling, the men are discontented &c"—He is getting desperate. He places me under arrest for construed "Disobedience of Orders" He sends me dozens of orders, obnoxious and offensive to provoke my ire, but he dont succeed. He says he does however, and acts accordingly. I am fully persuaded that all Official communications &c for myself & Van Tuyl & Leland are stopped. Two or three that have come, show unmistakable signs of having been tampered with. I have telegraphed you to day to send any important paper for me, inclosed to Colonel / Joseph Dickinson A.A.G. Maj. Gen'l Hooker. Please do so. Maj. Clancy sent in to me his resignation. I forwarded it to Brigade Hdqr't'rs, and they sent for Clancy and destroyed part and returned the other part. So much for honor & justice. If I can get the commissions of Van Tuyl & Leland and they are dated back, I think I can fix the matter yet. Can you not send Charley with "Duplicates" if originals have been made out? Now you must not let anything I have penned give you any uneasiness, for I have become by far too good a Stoic, or Democritus, to get very unhappy myself, and am too considerate to act rashly, and too interested to go wrong willfully. I would like nevertheless a good long letter of advise &c from the only one I have ever cared to receive it from. I have two letters from dear Henry, the 21^st & 26^th ulto. and thank him earnestly. I will answer them probably to-morrow. My deepest and greatest consolation, dear Father, is to see and find out in what a respectful and fond consideration I am held in, by my officers and men. The Officers without an exception seem very much attached to me, and seem to take my arrest far more soberly than

 

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I do. Should I resign (and I believe my duty to them and hatred of Birney is all that prevents me) every one of them would do likewise. The men too are gloomy and express their sorrow and attachment in many different ways. Do you blame me for feeling somewhat proud of this? In an endorsement of a paper which I hold, Gen'l Berry said "The 1^st N.Y. Vols. is the best Reg'm't in the service to my knowledge, and made so from the most demoralized I have ever seen, solely by the exertions of Col. Pierson" I am going to try and get transferred to another Division as soon as I am free to act once more Birney is my Upas Tree. Give my love to all Write soon. Tell me about the commissions, and if you have written to Hon. A. S. Diven M.C. at Washington yet.         

 

Your's Aff.                                                                                                                                         

Fred

 

            I dare not send this in the regular mail through Brig. & Div. Hdquarters, but must send it to Corps Hdqrtrs to be mailed—

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