Feb'y 27^th 1864           

Saturday Morning

 

My Darling Husband—

                                    It is such a cloudy gloomy morning, and I feel so lonely and desolate, that I fear I shall not write you a very good letter but then I have not written for three days, and I know that a letter will be acceptable if there is not much in it. I have had two letters from you my darling since I wrote you last, but the fair that I mentioned in my last just closed night before last, and they wanted me to go so much that I thought I had ought to, and for the two last evenings Prof. Agassiz has been here lecturing / he will also lecture this evening Hattie is going to tell you she says about my having a beau, and going to two lectures with the same one she says that her and Edgar cant have any chance at all with me for I always have a beau of my own. I have been to both of the lectures darling and with the same gentleman. I wanted very much to hear the Prof, and should feel as though I was kind of troublesome if I always had to depend upon Edgar to take me every where, but the thoughts my own darling husband occupies all of my time so that I can not appreciate lectures or company or any thing else if my dear was only here I should be happy, but can never never be while deprived of his society what do you mean darling? you do not think that there will be / any necessity of my coming south do you dear? why my darling I have been expecting you home for the last two weeks until I received your letter day before yesterday I was so much disappointed and discouraged at your seeming to think that there might be such a thing that you will have to stay down there, should you have to dear you know what I had rather do dont you? you know how very much I wanted to go with you. I have not changed my mind in the least darling, but I can not think that you will have to stay, if you my anxiety will be far greater than it has been, if such a thing is possible. mrs Bartlett thinks it a terrible thing for me to think of going south, she says that I could never stand the journey down there, and that it would / much worse after I got there as in all probability I could not be with you but very little, but George what shall I do if you do not come home soon. I almost wished yesterday that I could die and would really have wished so only for the hope I have that my darling husband will soon be home. my dear George Edgar has just brought me yours of Feb'y 14^th and says that you will not be home for three months. it seemed dear as though it would break my heart dear to have him even say so I could eat any dinner but got up from the table and came to my room to give vent to my feelings. dear upon my word I do not believe that I can endure it much longer, it is far worse than death, yes love you may call it imprisonment although / that would be nothing compared with my present trouble, but my precious loving husband do not blame your self so much, for I know that you have as much to endure as I have. it is indeed a terrible thing for us, some does not seem to think it any thing at all for their husband to be away from them, but it is the greatest trial ever I had darling I never knew what trouble was until you first went into the army if you had good health I might possibly be more reconciled, but I feel now that if you have to stay down there until warm weather that you will be as sick as you was last summer and you are so thin and weak that I fear you can not stand it / as well, and if you are obliged to stay down there until you die I want to be there and die with you. what became of the Cols wife dear is she with him? or has not your Regt gone? I do not just understand why it is darling that you can do nothing more in regard to getting your papers through until that expedition returns. if you can not come soon I guess that you will have to send me some money dear for if you are not home as soon as the river opens I will go up the river. the ferry boat is running now at Burlington. you know that I have none of my summer clothing with me, and then may be I may feel better to have a change. I feel now as I did last fall about going back to Sparta, I thought then that I / could not bear the idea of going back there to my old room where I had spent so many dreary hours thinking of my dear one, and then home has never seemed like home since Gilbert got married, and if you should never come back, I do not think that I should ever live there again. how can I write those words, never come back, I am sure that I could not speak them for it almost breaks my heart to even think of them. Did those charges amount to any thing, I was almost sorry that we were married dear, if they are going to bring that against you, do they consider that a crime but then I feel better to think that we are married, my grief now is not so hurtful to my health, as I am not obliged to / conceal it, like I would be were you not my own dear husband God bless you my darling I love to think that I have such a dear husband to sympathize with me in all my troubles write very often my darling I would not object to getting one or two letters every day from you. the time passes so much faster when I can hear from you three or four times a week. All send love and with an earnest prayer that you will soon be permitted to return to me I am ever faithfully your loving wife

                                                                                   

Annie

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