Page 1

Westward Ho!

No. 2.                                                                                                            Sept. 20, 1886.

U. S. Stmr.                                                                                                      Juniata.

 

Society notes:

The wardroom symposium of Sept 18^th was in every way a success. Several surprises awaited the audience, which was as usually composed of gentlemen of quality, and the friends from the Steerage Country who go in for quantity

L^t Comm^dr Burwells adaptation of Koko's music in the "Flowers of Spring" to his new song was quite the thing while Mr Rodgers rendition of the same was very happy The plantation melody by D^r Ogden was a novel feature also. Mr Lawrence's song the name of which our reporter remembers indistinctly as resembling "Peek-a-boo" received the well merited applause of all. The felicitous effort of Mr Faust was an agreeable revelation to all, while the spicy repartee of Paymaster Tarbell enlivened the assembled company to mirthful glee. The refreshments consisting of Bars' ale "G. W. Fizz" and Boston baked beans were enjoyed by all. Four bells closed one of the pleasantest evenings our Editor has ever spent. /

 

Page 2                                     The Antagonism of Races.

            A Japanese village has settled in our midst at No. 44 Galle Terrace. The daily avocation of the inhabitants being to dally with the festive hash, to break dishes, and to furnish the caterers of the Ward Room and Steerage messes with good and sufficient reasons for extra assessments, and as an outlet for any maledictions that may be lying around unclaimed.

The almond eyed Mongolian has an intense hatred toward his tawney competitor from Afric's sunny shore—a number of whom are in the same line of business—and as our reporter strolled through the stately avenue adjoining the terrace, his attention was attracted by a windy altercation between Matsuda Sore-Eye-Catchee of Yokohama, and George Washington Jefferson Of Culpepper Court House. In our experience we have listened to the lamentations of a band of howling dervishes, the dulcet strains of a circus steam organ, the unintelligible jargon of a thousand fanatical Musselmen, the unearthly discord of a mud-gutter band, but all these were as a summer Zephyr to the torrent of Oriental profanity hurled at the shivering son of the Dark Continent by this thoroughly engaged flower of Japan who was left in full possession of the field. Peace spread her white wings o'er the Sanguinary scene, and Revenge slunk away abashed, with the look of a man who has just opened a prize package. /

 

Noon Positions of the Juniata.                                    Page 3

[table with columns listing Date, Run (Knots), Position at Noon Latitude, Longitude, and Remarks]

 

 

                        Remarks

Standing out of New York Harbor

Rather stormy weather

Ship rolling deeply at times

Offerings to Neptune

Put out bag over the bow

Symposium in Wardroom

Carried away the foresail

Grommet tournament

"Westward Ho's" first appearance

Lost 1500 fathoms of wire in sounding

Ship rolling deeply and shipping seas

Strong circular cyclone

Symposium in Wardroom

Ship in a dead calm

General target practice

Sounded in 3000f; max. temp. 83° min. 36°

Caught a beautiful "paper nautilus"

Grommet tournament

Symposium in Wardroom

Caught a shark

Spoke barque bound to the S^d & W^d

Sounded in 2890f; max. temp. 83° min. 36°

Officer's rifle match

Spoke English steamer bound to West'ard

Dead octopus was sighted on surface of water

Symposium in Wardroom

Sounded in 1900f; max. temp. 81° min. 36°

Dead horse floating rapidly to the westward

Sounded in 1625 & 1700f; max. temp 75°, min. 38°

Sounded in 200f; max temp. 78° min 38°

Large waterspout; distance five miles.

Sounded in 1987f; max temp. 78° min. 38°

Symposium in Wardroom (See article.)

Tremendous shark crossed our bows

Second appearance of the "Westward Ho." /

 

Page 4

[drawing of the ship                                        Key to Cartoon: "a" is a cloudy

in presence of water spout]                             attempt by "special artist on spot"

                                                                        "b" is a water spout in all its

                                                                        native loveliness "c" is

                                                                        coursing wavelet, while "d"

is a dastardly attempt at rendering the good ship "Juniata" "old sport on water spouts"

 

 

'Porto Grande'

Porto Grande as its name indicates is a grand port and the principal coaling station for vessels bound to the Cape and South American ports. It is inhabited by negroes much blacker than the coal they handle who speak a dialect of Portuguese varied occasionally by a mixture of the [?] and [?] tongues. The white people are chiefly from the whaling vessels in the harbor and traders among the different islands. They evince a wonderful desire to drink at your expense, and to beat you playing billiards on tables rapidly falling to decay. The ladies are chiefly of color and are very entertaining, although their disregard of ceremony [faded] is sufficient to [paper fold] and a certain freedom of manner reminds that you are outside the pale of civilization or at least [faded] etiquette.

            The center of attraction is the public square when the young negroes assemble to indulge in boyish sports and to paint the town red. The streets are narrow and dirty and in the language of the Mikado Porto Grande can very easily be missed. /

 

 

Westward Ho!                                                                         Supplement No. 2

Mid-Ocean Musings

Why is it that our steerage can't keep live poultry? Ans. Because there is a stack in it.

Why does our ward-room resemble a farm yard? Ans. [faded]

Three unsolved mysteries of the country

Kelley's Motor; the ice machine; and a plate of hash.

A [faded] fact will start from the [faded] of the poop and grow into a thousand fairy tales before it reaches the smoke pipe.

Advertisements.

Japanese Laundry, Steerage Country.

Mr [?]rod our Sporting Editor, challenges all comers to a rifle match; the contestants to choose their own weapons. To shoot at a regulation target from the size 20" x 30" to the size of a foresail at a distance of 50 yards. Stakes 2 bottles beer, payable at Porto Grande.

 

The latest Editions of "The Cruises of the Wyoming, Enterprise, Acapulco, New Hampshire, Constellation, Dale, and Mayflower are now ready. Apply daily at 12 merid. and 5¹⁵ p.m.

Starboard Steerage.

 

Our Course and Distance to Porto Grande at Noon to Day Sep 20 1886

Course, S20°E Dist. 515 Miles /

 

Daily circulation 75,000 Largest in these waters

Editor in Chief                        A. Moritz.

Revising Editor           H. W. Faust.

Sporting Editor           F. W. Ogden.

            Printer's "devil"   E. B. Johnson

Contributions are all subject to revisions, accidents, Etc. After such treatment, authors of articles unrecognizable in the Edition apply to Chief Editor [who is also the pugilist]

 

Week ending Sept 4 , held a grommet tournament

 

Winners,         Single  Chapin 1^st prize           shark head

                                    Baker  2^nd   "               Photo same

            Doubles           Baker  1^st   "                Photograph

                                    Moritz

The photographs for prizes were donated by the Juniata Photo. Co., but some how or other the winners have failed to connect with the prizes.

Sept. 7 held a rifle match.

Target 18" x 22". Distance 150ft        7 shots; max. 35

Winners          1^st George 25; 2^d Rodgers 18 and 22.

The fishing Co. has so far caught one dolphin weighing 16 lbs. one shark 6'6" long.

one paper nautilus.

Another grommet tournament is now in progress. Winner in doubt as we go to press

The Westward Ho! has the largest circulation of any paper within 500 miles.

Our Saturday Night Symposiums have been quite successful. Much latent talent has been unfolded. Sweet hearts and Wives are  always near and dear to us. /

 

[drawing of the Track of the Juniata]

SOURCES