Foster's. October 24^th /63

 

My Own Darling,

                           How often have I thought of you, this gloomy day, wondering if you are exposed to the cold, & rain. How I wish you were with me, sitting by this comfortable fire, would not we have a long cozy chat in the place of this prosy letter I'm now going to inflict on you. We are having  a regular London day. rain, rain, rain, not warm & southern, but a chilling blood curdling kind, a real nor.easter as the sailors would say. My Darling have you even a tent to protect you? I cant enjoy the comforts I have around me, for thinking of the Dear one, so far away, who is perhaps undergoing all the viccitudes of war. I think it would have been better for my peace of mind if I had not seen you before the war closed. I often think of how "devil may care" I was last winter in comparison with this I hadn't the interest in the Army, that I / have now. a husband—the greatest blessing that can be confered upon poor, frail woman. When he proves a kind, considerate, forgiving husband in spite of all her faults My Darling since you've found out you have such a willful little wife, doesn't some of Cousin James wise axioms sometimes rise up in your mind For instance, one that he delivered at the dinner table, before we ever were engaged "A married mans pleasures are in fact very small. He is just like a dog with no tail at all." Dont you feel sometimes like your pleasures had been somewhat curtailed. Ah! if you'd only profited by my Dear cousin advice, you might now be "a single man, free & easy"

 

            I often sit and wonder myself if I should mark the day I first saw you with a white stone. If you should be spared to me through this war I shall remember it as the brightest day of my life if not, and I should be so unfortunate as to lose you I should think my fates had played me treacherous in the hour they allowed me to meet you, for I'm not like some who think "Tis better to have loved and lossed, than never to have loved at all". Since I received your letter speaking of the number of officers killed / and wounded in the last fight, I feel very much discouraged regarding the next fight I was very, very sorry to hear of the death of Capt Hammond, & Lieut M^cAdory. I knew nothing of Capt H. but he was a friend of yours and as your wife, I reflect all your attractions and antipathis. Lieut M^cAdory I thought a very nice young man, and it make me sad to think of his being cut off in the strength of manhood. I think M^rs Capt Stone is to be envied If it had been my husband who had shot his foot instead of exciting anxiety, it would be a source of relief, for 'twould perhaps save him from the evil to come. And Oh! the comfort of having him with me for such a long time. Sis Sarah has been in to get me to stop and come in the parlor, and as 'tis getting so dark, I guess I'll have to desist untill after supper. I want to send this letter in to Tuscaloosa by Father to-morrow.

 

            "          "          " Father carried your flannel in to Tuscaloosa last Saturday and found that D^r Leech was going on to Fowler's Battery and promised to take it if possible. I hope e'er this you are comfortable ensconced in it "as snug as a bug in a rug". I hope you have received the letter I sent by the D^r for I'm fearful my others must have been miscarried as an answer is due me / from two of them but never a line have I received yet. I get your letters very irregularly; some of them long behind time John and Charlie are sitting beside me busily smoking paper cegars. Sister Lydia is lying in bed. She is a perfect Rip Van Winkle about sleeping. I think she is a little love-sick, or rather lovelorn, as Lawless would have it. and I wouldnt be surprised if she didn't have "marrying in her head", &c.—She has the blues terribly sometimes. What makes some girls so anxious to shake off the Miss & take on the Madam. I reckon if some of them could have seen me at Tunnel Hill & that piece of Blue stone they would have been more reconciled to their state of single blessedness. Sister Lydia is very fleshy, & healthy. rosy, & stout. just the kind of girl if I was a marrying man I should choose. She is very anxious to be delicate, threatens to drink a cup of vinegar every day to give her an interesting palor Sometimes I wonder if I ought to write things to you that often rise in my mind and often jump off the end of my pen almost / before I can stop them. Then I think that you said we ought not to tell everything to each other, and I desist. My darling 'tis said that there is "no perfect love, without perfect confidences". I always thought dreamed that when I was married there would be such a unity of thoughts & feelings between me & my husband, that we should tell each other what was ever passing in our minds that we would be litterally two in one Have I found myself mistaken Darling? I once had a friend to whom I was so confiding, and she reciprocated it. But it can be so no longer, she can occupy now only a secondary place; my whole heart and soul has gone out after another.

 

I received a letter from Liza Burpo a week or two ago. I have never answered the letter she wrote me directly after I was married Poor creature! she is so jealous of you. She says if I dont answer this letter she will take it for granted that I wish to forget her, and she will not trouble me with another one. She was writing of some of my old sweethearts, among other a young / Methodist preacher. he says he wishes you'll be put in the front. Poor fellow! constancy does deserve some reward; and he's loved me faithfully every since the first session I was at Summerfield. She wrote of Capt Volty, he is and old admirer of mine and is very anxious to see you. I want you to appear to the best advantage if you should ever meet him for you know discarded lovers are apt to draw comparisons between themselves and a more successfull rival. I shouldn't like for them to say "she might have none as well to have taken me"

 

I had D^r Billingsley to see me this week. My throat and lungs have been troubling me some. He burned my throat with caustic and gave me a counter irritant to use. It is much better but my cold continues to disturb me. I cough a great deal and have a pain in my breast. It pains me now sitting up and writing. I cough in the morning until I'm perfectly exausted. The lungs throwing off the impurities that have collected / on them during the night. How I wish I had my Husband here to nurse and pet me when I'm sick. I wonder my Darling if there will ever be a time when I can call you all my own when Jeff Davis will have no right to mar or molest you.

 

I don't wish you to be uneasy about my throat and cough, I think it is the result of a cold. My throat has been affected every since my Georgia trip & would have been well ere this, but 'tis a great family for music here, and I've been tied to the piano day and night untill D^r Billingsley prohibited any more singing the other day. It would amuse you to hear Mother say three or four times a day "I wish your throat was well Nannie so you could sing for us". I begin to accuse her of being right selfish only wishing my throat would get well so I could sing

 

            Sister Sarah has three two sick children Presley the youngest has been having chills for some time. He one of the We-ones, as John would say. The first / he want about day break is "Bissit with sugar on it" He is a sweet child tho with all his cross ways I tell you she dont spare the rod. Like M^rs Laymann she at times fans the whole crew out

 

Sister Lydia is sitting down at my feet we've just had a little skirmish over who should spit on a chunck first that had fallen down. We were wishing for our sweethearts. You can guess who I wished for. Sister Sarah & Mother sends love Mother says she intends to write to you soon My chest pains me very much I must rest myself. 'Tis hard for me to quit but the best of friends must part. So with much love—more than you can ever comprehend—and enough kisses to smother you I am ever

                                                                       

Your devoted wife

Nannie

 

P.S. I've written to Mother to send the carriage for me next week If she sends the carriage punctually I shall leave here next Wednesday. It may be raining or very bad weather and she will not send it. Brother Washington has some clothing in the bundle sent you. Darling do you think often of your little wife now Dont forget her entirely

 

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Father intends taking a bundle to Tuscaloosa to send to Bro. Washington. He will try to get M^r Deason to carry it. It will be directed to your care. And you can give it to him My cold is better this morning. My breast does not pain me so much.

                                                                                                           

Nannie

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