Macon Miss

Dec 3^rd/63

 

My own Darling,

                                    How anxious I am about you this evening. Not a line from you since this battle, and the retreat. I know it is not your fault for I believe you would relieve my anxious heart as soon as it was in your power. I'm begining to be a deciple of Pa's faith, that is, that no girl should marry during the war. 'tis nothing but sorrow and vexations of spirit. People may say it is just as bad to have a sweetheart exposed as a husband. I say no. I have tried both, and I speak from experience. Nothing under Heaven can be so dear to / one as a husband. But girls will marry—like the pigs and the hot porridge. One will stick his nose in it and get burnt and another will go right straight and do likewise. I've been very happy since I was married, But would be tenfold more so if I could have my husband with me. I've been spending two days with M^rs Sadler. She sends her compliments, and says you must make haste and come home. And, as an inducement, she says she has been very fortunate in making her wine and that every time you come to see her, you may drink enough to get tipsy if you like. I informed her tho with the greatest pleasure that you never find any inclination to take "a brick in your hat"

 

            I received your letter of Novr 22^nd on Tuesday. Why didn't you write sooner It seems to me / you are not so good about writing as you used to be. You wrote of my letter being such a scorcher. I wrote as I felt at the time but as you see I couldn't stand it and had to "tune up and cry" and append a very loving P.S. I was enhopes I could preserve my dignity long enough to lecture upon "as a Father" as Cousin James says, but womens heart will speak out and my anger gave way before I could finish my letter, and so I had to write a [?]. If you were here I would tell you what Ma said. Oh! I can tell you, you have a firm friend and allie in her and if I were to get right angry with you, I could not count on her for I know she would give "aid and comfort to the enemy"

 

            You spoke of wishing to send a sealed package home. My Darling it has been the one great wish my heart to possess your entire confidence. It seems that / the yearning cannot be gratified I think you know me too well to think that curiosity would lead me to open any document that you did not wish I should see. I will put the package safely away where no one can get it and if you should ever want it, it shall be returned. I know I do not [?] your confidence, for I was so excessively fretful and irritable when I was at "Tunnel Hill". I don't know what was the matter with me then I never was so before to my recollection. I was like "a bear with a sore head". Ma say some derangement of the system must have caused my nervousness. I have not entirely recovered my usual strength altho the effect of the cold has mostly disappeared. I feel so tiard most of the time and my limbs feel stiff and swollen. I make Caroline rub them a great deal. I have very weak eyes and at times a sort of gloom will come over things and

 

[overwritten]

 

I cannot see for a few minutes. And the most excruciating "death bell" as the negroes say keeps ringing in my ears. Ma is feeding me a bitter and I expect it will work a magic cure on me in no time. I've not kept my word. I said I was not going to force on your ears any

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