Providence May 11^th /64

 

Dear Father

                        There it is three weeks since we have had letters from you it must be that neither you nor Ernest receive our letters, or we would have answers oftener. you know how you used to complain because we did not write often enough, but you just leave the complaints for us now, letter after letter has been sent to you and no answers to them yet. Ernest can surely write, we heard that soldiers are not allowed to write just now, for fear of their telling some things they ought not, but even if that is the case Erny might write. Susie Metcalf told me on Sunday that you had left Fort Esperanza and gone to a place called Arkansas Gap. I have forgotten where that is there has been no mention of the place for a long time in the papers and so I am lost as to the location. I will look in the Geographical Dictionary and inform myself. I will direct my letters as usual until I hear from you to the contrary.

 

We sent a box to you much as five weeks ago yes nearly two months ago as you have not mentioned it you of course had not received it when you wrote last. I it has arrived and all was satisfactory we tried to have it so at any rate I was sorry about Erny's shirts being made for studs instead of buttons. sent enough studs to last him for a while, and then the button-holes on one side can be fastened and buttons sewed on so please make the best of that tell Erny to be very careful of his clothes as every thing costs just double what it did last year. Why, I thought I was going to do so much with my money but when it comes, it goes and that is all you can see of it. you know this is rather a large family, and it is getting harder work to keep along every day it takes all the money we have from you for rent and food and what I can spare, for clothes. I can tell you we work hard now a days no more idle time for us. Lizzie has gone to work for a gentleman down street, who keeps a large dressmaking establishment. he is going to pay her $4.00 per week, and perhaps more if he is suited, as of course he will be for she is a beautiful sewer. no mistake about that. Maggie is home now last week she made $4.00 in four days, $1.00 a day. dress makers have $1.50 now but of course they are experienced. that is what our girls want. Louise is learning the milliner's trade, and Mrs Brogden says she will hire her after she learns. Louise is smart no mistake but she should do something higher than make bonnets she is fitted for something better. She would make an artist in drawing and painting and is all the time talking of it perhaps the time may come when she and some others in the family can be enabled to have their / talents cultivated it is hard to feel that you can not be helped to rise higher. do not feel Father that I am repining at my lot because I write in this strain it is not so I would not have it any other way, but as the heavenly Father wills, but I feel as if I only had some one to teach me, some true genius and professor in music I should fly, not walk why I am actually all afire with the love of music the more I hear, the more I love it. I have just commenced to begin to apreciate the works of the great masters it seems as though I could never leave them. I am so completely wrapt up in them that I cannot bear to play any of the works of some of the composers nowadays. Mozart and Beethoven are my favorites and I stay most all the time I am practicing on sonatas and symphonys by them. I cannot account for it. I never felt so before this musical feeling came upon me from the time I commenced taking lessons of Wiese. I wrote you in one of my letters of it you ought to have heard him speak of me to his friends. he told them I had a great work to do before I died that I had a glorious voice and all of that and you should have heard me play when I took of him. just the first lesson I improved more than I did the last two or three terms I took of Mr Knothe. I took three lessons of him and then he did not come for five weeks he had been off some where he would not come regular. his habits are so low, that the least thing, will make him neglect lessons he did not pretend to keep engagements and so I was obliged to discharge him taking just those lessons showed me what I could do, roused all my ardor and love for music and the great sense that I know so little makes me perfectly disgusted with my performances. I will sit down and keep playing over and over again that sonata of Mozart's you know which one I mean that one with the complicated time that it took me so long to get just to keep hearing the depth of soul and beauty in it. Oh! if I could only take lessons I know I should make a player the genius is there but the power to perfect its wanting I could learn nothing of the teachers that are here except Wiese he is just my style exactly. he plays with so much expression when he is himself but I could not waste my time and money. he would come one week and perhaps not for two or three weeks would he come again. I could not depend upon him at all I would wait for him and some times lose my own lessons and he would not come and I would be so disapointed that at last I was forced for my own peace to tell him not to come any more. he sent me word and notes saying how sorry he was and the next thing he would be off again. he has moved to Bristol, as he could not succeed here, people gave him their patronage but was obliged to / withdraw it. can place no confidence in him. I would take lessons of him to-morrow if I could & another thing is so strange I am ashamed to sing, my singing sounds so bad to me. it seems as though I did not sing with one half the expression I used to and sounds so lame I cannot bear it. why last Sunday I commenced to sing a solo in the Benedic anima [?] and it seemed to me as though every sound was disgraceful only feeling of pride kept me from breaking down. Father if you can account for this sudden transition of feeling please tell me for before it seemed to me as if I was knowing a little something and now, when people compliment me, it seems just as though they were making fun of me and only spoke as though it was politeness to say something. I feel as though if I could have the kind of instruction I need, I should not be simply Linie Simon but somebody that knows something. I cannot do nothing but wait, perhaps opportunity will offer, then you shall see. I was not put here for nothing. I feel it, it seems as though I could not leave this subject but as it is a neccessity will try. All the family are well and are anxiously waiting to hear from you. it seems to me that Ernest might answer letters sent to him a little oftener than he does. it will be very good practise for him. all want to hear from him very much indeed. tell him Capt Sealey has got a new suit of clothes and of course feels very grand. Roby is going to school Monday if nothing happens and then you will see what a smart boy he is Frank is not as well as usual. he has those spells very bad he sends his love to Fawer and Daneste George and Carrie are very well Mother and Lizzie had their visites taken the other day Lizzies is very good but Mother's not very good She was tired when she had hers taken and her foot hurt her very much so you must make allowance it is very strange that you will not have yours if you should be taken from us it would always grieve us very much. Oh! I nearly forgot to tell you I bought me a watch the other day it is a second hand one silver galvanized but keeps excellent time. it was recommended to me very highly. I paid $12.00 for it. You know I sent to Mr Earle for one and he made some short speech like what does she want of a watch. I do not see as she is in any great need of one just remember I shall ask no favor of him he only cares for you and nothing for us. he meddles altogether too much in our affairs. if he cared very much for us, he would treat us a little better when we go to Jersey City.

 

I must close this letter for I have been a long time writing it. these sheets of paper are very large. Maggie says she guesses you will want us to buy this size paper all the time. All send their love and a kiss. Please remember it is Linie that writes to you and waits for a blessing from Father, as of old. Oh! father why did you / leave us to struggle on alone. no one to advise us, no one to go to for help in every little trial. and if you was only home to say would you do this Father, or that.

 

May you be spared to return, and be happy once more with us is the constant prayer of children, though some times disobedient, and ungrateful still love you almost to idolatry. believe it Father as I feel you do

                                                           

May God the Father bless and keep you ever more.

                                                                       

Good-Bye

Your affectionate daughter

Linie Simon

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