Jersey City, Aug 15^th/64

 

Dear Dear Father

                                    My heart is near bursting at the thought of your troubles. Why is it that you musFt always be in trouble, always something to harrass your mind. I was nearly heart-sick because I have received no letter from you in six or seven weeks and I felt that something must be wrong. the last letter I wrote you was twelve pages long. no answer have I had to it yet. Father I wish you had never left home, but had stayed with us. you have suffered too much already. one thing please dont do, and that is dont trouble yourself about us at home, we will try and get a long, although we are young, still the experience of the past year has been to us all a long lesson. In your letter you wrote to mother, you speak of trouble at Washington. I did not know that you had any business there. how is it that you did not speak to me of it, so that we should be prepared, if trouble came. Oh! if I could only see you father, and if you were only home with us / once more, we would try so hard to make home happy for you. your life I know has been none of the happiest but perhaps we will be so happy once more.

 

You speak of resigning. Do not stay any longer where you are so imposed upon. If I were you I would not fight for such an administration as this. why they are already trying to compromise and have slavery as it was before. what is the use of your fighting, and for no good, pushing you around as they see fit. Come home and stay with us. we will move some where else and commence over again, perhaps you could get a situation in the Custom house in New York. Mr Alkare is there and the gentleman that Ret is to be married to is there and with their influence you might get a situation and we would move to Jersey City and all get along to-gether. we will never get along as we wish to in Providence. You are getting along in years and you must not expect to work hard or hope to make much money, not let your ambition miss every thing. You have a large family at home who need your care and advice / and unless you are with us we can never get along I have always looked up to you for all. you were the head of the family. things were not always done as they should be but it was owing to a lack of knowledge discretion and because we were not taught as we should be, but it is no time to be always thinking of such things. I wish you had never left us to go to war. there are plenty to go that will do what ever they are wanted to, no matter if principle is sacrificed you know you will not to that the world you are not fitted for, that is, everything in general. people do many things that are not consistent. How I wish I had only have known how things were going with you. it would be much better if you would disclose all to us than to keep things to yourself be cause then we would be all the time looking out for things. we can-not realize our situation until we are made to understand it by sad experience. You will see by the date of my letter that I am in Jersey City. When I had my vacation, I thought I must have a change. I am actually heart sick to think that we must push through the world from day to day entirely dependent upon what little we know push ahead and get hit, bound back and struggle again. some times Father you must have thought me very ungrateful I suppose I have been God have mercy and pardon all my shortcomings towards you for with all my faults I love you as I can never love another it fills my soul till it seems at times as if I must see you and speak to you, if I would get along. I am to much like you not to understand you. I can see you now with your face drawn down with care and sorrow all given up not knowing what to do or say. write as soon as you receive this and tell me all about it. All are very well at home and send love and kisses. Mother is quite well now. her foot is sore yet and she has been troubled with boils on her arm but all well now. Auntie says if you would only come home, we could go to Philadelphia and perhaps we could get along there—at any rate—only, come home who cares what people would say, it is enough that you cannot get along where you are and that you have so large a family. only think Father if we are poor and have only what we earn, if you were home we would be all together once more. if you do not feel about it or do not look upon it as I do, and are satisfied then all is well. sometime the consequences of it will be very plain to be seen by all. there are four boys that need some one to train them we cannot do it there are too many heads to the family. one only is needed. that one is you. resign and come home if you cannot be agreeably situated where you are you have done your duty that we are certain of if persons outside that are against you who cares in another world where justice is shown, you will occupy the place you are fitted for. remember that "Jesus died, that we might live" think of the sufferings of our crucified redeemer, of his trials and temptations. what are ours by the side of his. Blessed Saviour, was ever love like thine?

 

We have yet 150 in the bank and soon my money will come in and that will help a little, so please not worry at all about purse us but try and see your way clear You say in your letter to Erny Mother that Erney is sick, poor boy. he had better come home it is most too much. I only hope he will soon improve after he gets home but you will miss him so much and he will want to stay with you I suppose—besides he was company for you. Mr Blodgett said he was afraid he would not be so very well, that it might break his constitution, the change of climate and all. Adelson gets along as well as can be expected boys will be boys and as usual a little trouble. some, but as a general thing as well as can most boys. Frankie is rather poorly just now. Lizzie Mag and Louise are getting very well.

 

I brought those stones with me and am going to see about them will ask Mr Earle about them when I go over. I came on here to learn to knit some socks but they are knitting none just yet perhaps they will before I go home for we must do something like that this winter.

 

I am very sorry that I can get no letters from / you for I prize them very highly but none do I get and must wait and perhaps one will come in return for the last three or four that I have sent you.

 

Papers are sent you every week. one week the Banner and another the Herald of Progress, but you say you do not get them. what are we to do. some mistake some where, they must arrive at New Orleans and mis-carried from there, or else opened, not very consoling I must say. When you are troubled I wish you would write to me and explain all. I thought and was afraid that something was wrong, or you would write at any rate. I suppose some of our letters were lost when the mail was robbed three or four weeks ago. Liz Mag and Lou have written letter after letter to you. this ought to be seen to before all communication is stopped. War news are very discourageing except at Mobile things are very well there but the fighting will not end this war the North is divided and the greater part are down on Mr Lincoln. the people want peace, and are determined to have it. I am for my part sick and tired of it all for / a little more money must be made they cannot stop until more blood is shed. come home dont stay any longer we want you. it is your duty to stay by this family even if you do not earn as much as you do now. the odds would be the difference. we will all help if you stay away the family will go some one way and some another. it would have been wiser to have stayed at home and not gone to war at all. Why they would cheat you out of your eyes if they could. we will go somewhere and commence over again and try and save a little less make one more effort move away from Providence and commence some where else. there is plenty we all might we have seen a great deal of trouble and perhaps we may see some light. always darkest just before the light. God never forsakes his children there is a cloud over us now but the darkest cloud has a silver lining which sometime we will see and feel. keep up a good heart Father trust in Him who doeth all things well /

 

Auntie wishes me to write to you for her so I will go down and hear what she tells me. she feels very badly because you do not write to her. I suppose you are full of trouble now but spare a few moments and write to her. all the family are very well now. Emmy is at New-port now visiting Mrs Woolsey and enjoying herself very much Auntie says Uncle Adelson has sent for her to come to Bordeaux with all the family the last of September he will give her a home in the house you were born in if she would only come because he thinks it would be better than living alone here without a protector and you in the Army. Auntie thinks you neglect her very much in not writing to her. Mr Alcock and Akare think it rather hard. She would like you to tell her what she had better do. Enretta is going to be married in December so come home and stay with us. All send their love and kisses to Father and only wish him to come home. All send love to Papa and Erny and hope / he will be much better but send him home as soon as possible. be sure and let us know when he comes. Be sure and write me all about the trouble you have had and are having. All about the trouble in Washington. I am very anxious to know all about it and shall be very anxious until I hear.

 

Ask Erny to write to me. Poor boy, I am so sorry he is unwell. God the Father protect him and you from all harm. remember, after darkness comes day, if not in this world surely in the next.

                       

"Jesus, Savior of my Soul

Let me to thy bosom fly

While the waves of trouble roll

While the tempest still is nigh

Hide me, Oh! my Saviour, hide.

Safe into the haven guide

Oh receive my soul at last"

 

Farewell best of Fathers, best of friends. if my love is anything, come home we / need you. My prayers attend you every night

 

Father in heaven, watch tenderly over them & temper the wind to the shorn lamb—

                                               

Good-Bye

Your loving daughter

Linie Simon—

SOURCES