Handsboro June 6^th 1864       

 

Good night, mine own Irwin yes good night for 'tis indeed time all honest people were asleep but I feel that I must write, if I cannot hold converse sweet with my mate Your two darling letters written on the 20^th & 23^rd ult. were received on the 28^th & I should immediately have discharged my debt but the Federal fleet made a glorious cruise of seven days around the mail ports preventing any communication. You promised to write from Pollard but as the common epistle was not brought by the last mail presume you were hurried through perhaps not even permitted to rest your weary feet. where is that noted place? I have searched the map but not seeing it took it for granted 'twas another Bethel. Of course you have long since left there & I shall send this to "Sis Lizzie" (to forward) by a wagon that leaves here in the morning early.

 

            In my last I complained of my head. indeed Irwin for a short time I felt that that would be the last letter you would ever receive from me, for two hours I almost prayed to die but thoughts of your sorrow & the wickedness of daring to fancy God to take my life made me forbear. I had been engaged in weeping for some time, not all tears of sorrow, & dropped the pen stooped to get it & was not able to rise for a long time & then only to fall again fortunately a glass of water was on a chair near me & after bathing my head I finished or rather closed the note. I am perfectly well now this you would readily believe if you could have followed me since Thursday morning. Aunt Mary & Laura started for Lawrence then & will most probably not return / under four weeks. As the vandals had stopped the only channel of intercourse between here & Ocean Springs Lieut Wilkenson kindly offered to escort me over & get the mail, truly I never was so uneasy & anxious to hear as after you left Mobile for the battle field. we went & after two shower baths arrived very unexpectedly at mothers tried to return Friday but rain prevented & that night a gallant squad consisting of twenty or thirty inhuman brutes surrounded Capt Toby's house & captured the Lieut & his host forbidding the latter to bid his children good bye. Oh! the valorous crew what deeds of gallantry they could perform. spent a few days very pleasantly & today Anola rode Lieut's charger over & will remain until Aunt Mary returns. Irwin my darling you told me I should feel highly complimented by mothers asking me to come again & I know you would, as did I, feel flattered to have seen my welcome. Katie saw me first & threw her arms around me crying, yes that is so then Mamie. Mother met me with outstretched arms, Anola was not there but soon came & appeared very glad. Googy & Bob kissed me & I believe Googy would soon tell me "he had not played with the pigs during the day". Mother said this morning, "come down often Jennie we will always be glad to see you & shall miss you much write too & let us know how you are getting on".

 

            What would I not give to have you by me tonight if I was not in dishabille however would I but hear your dear voice few touches would my toilette receive ere you were welcomed I would advise you to come in the day else you might be frightened by a midnight phantom 'twill not be a dangerous one at least not to you I promise you. I fear my letters heretofore darling have not been much consolation to you but another murmur shall never pass my lips. remember when on the field that you have another / one to fight for & one more to live for yes to live for you must come home safely I cannot bear to think of the bravest best & most loved of the gallant old 4^th La being harmed by the foe but if it be God's will that you should come home maimed in any way my arms are as ready to open to clasp your dear form as ever Irwin, my love has become an all absorbing passion leaving me very little time to think of anything else. every time I comb my hair or rearrange my toilette in any way I try to please you. Do you remember once you told me that I must love Lieut. Comfort when every thing I did was for the absent individual; if that be a sign of love my heart is very full. Yes I once thought I could give a reason for loving but I have gotten bravely over that & when I try to find some verbal logic to "Alpha & Omega" is womans excuse "Because". we are led by an instinct to come to the right conclusion whereas man must go through numberless calculations & themes before the end is gained of course then man considers himself the smarter because he can give reasons but poor weak minded woman only knows that 'tis so. now Irwin you say you have searched your heart & are satisfied to trust it with me. such an invaluable treasure should not be committed to any ones keeping without a reason from the store-house of man's mind. What is yours? I am not personally attractive on the contrary my features are very homely. my foot is not small & even if it were you said you had never seen it. My hands are better suited to the plough or hammer & anvil, than to embroidery, painting or sewing. my eyes do not twinkle, sparkle or blaze & lastly my form is horrid movements uncouth. my mind is not by far the most exalted & my only redeeming quality is my love, great & unbounded, for you. Think this over my beloved & if anything is wrong remember I'm / writing in my sleep & am willing to be convinced of my errors. you alone can do this. Irwin you should not write at night you know your eyes are not strong & you are injuring them. I fear you will grow negligent though if you don't write at night. If you could see me some times even before I send to the office cry in anticipation of the disappointment you would never let an opportunity slip but I shall most certainly not complain if dear Anola does not only one letter since you left & you have been gone a month tomorrow. I believe though she has only written two & this is my sixth. I have received five so Irwin if you do not receive letters from remember 'tis not my fault. I have made you two cravats but as they are my first do not expect you to honour them by wearing when you come home they will serve to show you that I did think of you. Oh! for peace to smile once more on our land how happy I should be to know that my Irwin had come home to leave me no more. What glorious news we hear every day but there is no battle without bloodshed. it seems very grand doubtless to read of victory but to gain that requires rather more of the precious life current than the most of us ever dream of. Irwin 'tis getting very late & every soul on the place is apparently wrapped in slumber a gun boat lies at the wharf & how many will leave to night we cannot guess. I told Delph good bye & told her that if she went now she might have the satisfaction of knowing she went like an honorable knave. Did you forget to have your photographs taken I have expected one every mail. Good night my darling God bless you & restore you to the anxious ones at home I am very tired Irwin & this must be my only apology for not looking this over & writing better a kiss for every time you have thought of Jennie. Anola sends much love to all you know who she means /

 

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No disappointment must be visible on your dear forehead Irwin because the inside of this letter does not correspond with the address. appear as glad as if it were indeed one of "Sister Lizzie's" much valued letters. What has become of a certain Miss Bessie with whom you were very much smitten at one time? You see I know it all but strange to tell I am not jealous yet. Good bye I must stop

                                                           

Yours

Jennie

 

Be sure & telegraph if anything happens. We are all anxious

                                                           

Yours devotedly

Jennie

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