Handsboro June 9^th 1864        Page 1^st

 

Am I right dearest in supposing that you will excuse the material in consideration of the length of the letter? the confederate paper blots so easily. this I suppose is no news to you though.

                       

Your note of the 26^th ult. was received yesterday at noon I feel truly grateful to see that you thought of me in the hurry & bustle of starting, thank you darling, if it had not come I don't feel like thinking what might have become of me. You are now satisfied perhaps as I see from the papers that your regiment was in an engagement on the 27^th. I feel very uneasy but try to commit you in all faith to the God of the universe, who I know is able & willing to care for all who trust Him whether they be on the battle-field or in the arms of the loved ones at home. May He give His angels charge over you that no harm come to you. In the list of casualties sustained by the gallant 4^th I see Carl Taylor was killed. What a blow to his father who I am told idolized him but "God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb". I wrote on the 6^th that Anola was with me & yesterday after she knew you had been in the fight she left the table as I supposed to read the papers but on following her found her on the sofa sobbing as though her heart would break I dared not ask her what was the matter (for my heart was too full) & I knew very well. I could only kiss her forehead then left her & went over to Mrs. Taylor's to see if she had later news from the fight. When I told my errand Lulie said "don't distress yourself Jennie he is not killed."

            "Many a word at random spoken

            May soothe or wound a heart that's broken".

 

I could stand it no longer so returned home told Anola we had the latest news & proposed going up stairs for a siesta. neither spoke for over fifteen minutes, Anola finished reading "Macaria" while I read those darling letters letters & studied the dear features of the photograph (my only comfort) we finished at the same time & instinctively faced each other. I could not stand her searching gaze for I knew sorrow was written on every feature. my resolutions proved vain & she saw me in one of my paroxisms of grief she was the first living person who ever witnessed one. I had prayed that I might have strength to restrain myself but God thought best to have an eye witness so that I would sooner conquer myself. had I been where I generally go to weep possibly my self-possession would not have been recovered for hours whereas for her sake my struggles were soon over. she forgot that she had been weeping all the evening & tried to console me. I was selfish I know in not keeping my anxiety to myself but there are times when we cannot preserve a calm exterior.

           

The whippoorwill chanted its doleful requiem nearly all day yesterday & the first note was like an arrow piercing through my heart. though not superstitious I have never liked to have the bird cross my path & would avoid it if possible however at night I love to hear its note song. but it seems out of place in the day mingling with more cheerful strains & reminds me of descriptions I have read of ball room frequenters where some poor desolate heart mourns for the love given to another. I do not feel that you are to be taken from me but some bad news will certainly follow if "coming events" indeed "cast their shadows before". but if I am spared the worst of all ills & have you to go to for consolation I think I could bear anything. How does Willie stand fire I suppose we may be looking for a package addressed to Laura soon as he has had an opportunity of proving his valor. I told Laura before she left that I was going to send her love to him & she expressed her willingness I would like very much to see her today but it may be a long time before she comes back. Laura's heart is a noble one & could she have the advantages I have had would make one of the finest & noblest women in our land. Yes she would make a woman to whom princes might bow in humble adoration, but I believe she intends to marry a private in our army. Oh! Irwin if I were only more worthy of you how happy I should be. I know almost nothing about keeping house & could not make a gentlemans wardrobe at all I fear you will miss sister Anola's dear handiwork sadly for the first year or two but if willingness can conquer patience you must have with a little effort (I'm very indolent you know) you would soon have a model housewife. but I know a wife's province in your home will not end there. You expect a companion do you think you will be content with my abilities? you have had a specimen I am always the same what I think I speak & write. Im keeping house now & you must get "Sis" to tell you how I bear the honours. I think scolding is a very necessary part of the accomplishment & I understand that to perfection, so the children say but I don't believe the servants could pay me the same compliment I am too lazy to run about & see what they are doing & as I have heard you say you did not intend to have any about you I suppose it will not be incumbent on me when I become Mrs. Kendall to see that each is in his or her proper place. How funny it does seem to think that I will ever be anything but Jennie. I find myself frequently saying "Mrs. Jennie Kendall" trying to accustom myself to it I reckon. How do you like the sound or rather sight. Do you not fear some one will say "there goes Lieut. Kendall's wife what a pity he did not marry somebody what a gawky figure!^(?)". But I am not acting with policy in telling you all my faults & setting things in their true light before you. if it ever comes to this I will have the consolation of knowing that you were not blindfolded when we met. Now Irwin I want you to understand one thing I will have no more insinuations about your not being worthy of me. is that plain enough for by so doing you rather call my good sense in question & I am very sensitive on that score. You say you will answer any questions I will ask you. thank you, all I desire to know is that you love me & that I would be & am miserable without you were it not for the vague hope I have of seeing you this fall I should be tempted to follow the army in an unknown character & unknown to be with you on the battle field & should you fall be there to receive one last fond embrace or & the joy would be unspeakable to nurse you back to life. My hope has been so strong that I have at times pictured our meeting & could almost imagine those dear arms around me and feel the warm breath on my lips. I am not less hopeful now of seeing you some day perhaps not far distant. Since you persist in saying I am sweet I presume I must hush but I know that if you were to kiss me to day before giving me time to flourish the cambric you would think I was decidedly salty. the perspiration is rolling off of my face & dropping so that I have to keep the paper at a respectable distance or you would think the page glistened with tears & I do not intend you shall know how many tears I shed. Do not complain of short letters Irwin for the first one was very lengthy for me though there was so little of interest in it it must have seemed short it was not the quantity but the quality you meant to quarrel with. do not deny it I have been sorry since that I sent it. I promise none in the future shall be quite so indifferent. I have written one or two beside that, equally foolish but those were written when I felt almost desperate. forget that they were written in that syle & rember only that I did write. Dinner will soon be ready we have fish; for a rarity wont you dine with us. I'll have plums large ripe ones gathered afterwards if you will. I must go arrange my toilette so that I will be ready to receive you should you conclude to honour us. good bye.

           

Dinner is over but no Irwin came how many meals must we take without your place being filled. my scolding propensities came into play today & for a time I feared something more convincing was needful however the storm blew off & the heavens are weeping for my folly. a delightful shower & very refreshing. I think some of the good people of Handsboro must have contemplated coming to see the two maidens in the magnolia grove. Or more likely are saying something not derogatory to their neighbors. I have the name of modern delilah in this notable place quite an enviable & characteristic nick name is it not. but I'll let the manes of indignation rest to day. What are you doing now or in other words a penny for your thoughts.

 

            Anola is sleeping sweetly over Moore's poems on your bed and your correspondent is sitting by the table in a rocking chair scribbling to the dear one who perhaps is moaning in pain on the battle plain or more pleasantly engaged, entertaining the young ladies & eating some delightful morsel prepared by the fair hands of some night vision of beauty. I hope that whatever the occupation you are thinking of Jennie. Have you time to read any more? you speak of trespassing on my time & making large demands on my love then what have I not got to answer for^(?) I wish those demands on my love would come a little oftener & be more exacting. All I do from one mail to another is wonder why I did not get a letter & whether I will be more fortunate the next time or if on the contrary the letter comes I sigh that 'twas so long on the road & so little of it, but even a line is welcomed & no word of reproach would I waft you for I know you write when you can. I know you will hold up your hands in silent dismay at the formidable array of sheets before you but if you cannot take time to read this now some other time will do as well. I feel like pouring out the contents of my heart before you & letting you select the wheat from the chaff & burn the latter while you watch over the former & see that it grows. Oh! for one hour to spend by your side would have said in your arms but I know you are tired. worlds would not compare with the exquisite pleasure of being clasped to your heart I do not think you will ever have to complain of my not talking again I will scarcely give you half hour through the day to ask me what I am thinking of. I shall be only too glad to talk while I may. perhaps you did not know you had a most effectual way of sealing my mouth by saying "Well why don't you say something?" sometimes I was just ready to make a weighty remark when your serious expression would cause me to think that by my silence I had offended you then I would become embarrassed & unable to say one word. Do you remember the learned discourse you commenced for the sake of giving my ideas a channel to run in: but the contrast between my thoughts & the subject proposed was so striking it nearly upset my risibles some of these long winter nights I'll tell you my thoughts. Major Pullen evidently took a great deal of interest in the conversation but I do not think I profited much by his calculations. "Sis" has come to the conclusion that I spare very few when in a fit of ill humor & expressed some concern as to my opinion of herself but I believe she takes my word for it that I never have said anything to her disparagement but what I was willing to tell her which I did. she is not mortally offended & says she is not sorry we had "our quarrel" out at first & has come to the conclusion that she would as soon have me for a sister as any one else. I love her very dearly & think we shall get along together finely. Our first & only quarrel was because she thought I had treated you with entirely too much indignity. I believe she intends writing to you tomorrow & I know you would like to hear something of the other girls.

           

Miss Mollie takes it for granted that we correspond & every time we meet she sends a great deal of her undivided attention & love. I heard her declaiming against a person who accused her of having some of "Mother Eve" in her composition, & "as to being affected it is perfectly ridiculous".

           

Miss Lizzie Mix has gone to Mobile in company with Miss Sue Baxter Allie Burr & Miss Kate Dodge. They went in a wagon loaded with beef hides so I understood. how I envy them their trip of pleasure^(?) I hope to go as soon as Aunt Mary returns may be before but mine is one of duty. could you be there with what pleasurable emotions I should look forward to the few days I should remain there. If you desire it I will let "Sister Lizzie" know that I am there & should she have curiosity enough to come & see me I will return the call. Perhaps I can persuade "Sis" to accompany me as we will only be in Mobile a few days. Do not despair I am almost through. Shall I have my face only in the photograph or full length, sitting or standing. head covered or uncovered? Or do you wish it at all? you do not deserve one for not asking for it. Should you loose this on the battle-field & one of the foe should be so unfortunate as to get it he need not think that because no word of hatred for their vandal tribe is written that 'tis not felt in the bosom of the writer God knows that the blood of the innocent does not cry to Him in vain if prayers would have exterminated the Yankee nation, not one would now pollute the soil. Our prayer night & day is for peace but with it liberty or not at all. Irwin good bye may God be a shield & buckler to you in the hour of battle & restore you to

                                                                                               

Your ever devoted

Jennie

 

Ten thousand kisses or in other words as many as there are words in this dispatch

 

[front margin] Take your time Irwin there is nothing of great importance in these pages

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