The faults are too numerous & unpardonable to ask excuses for them but I know you will treat them leniently for the writer's sake.

 

Handsboro June 19^th 1864

 

My darling Irwin

                        Your welcome favors of the 3^rd 4^th & 8^th inst. came in Saturday's mail & I hasten to reply though in a feeble manner to those precious documents. In the first place let me relieve your mind by telling you that I have not yet visited Mobile & probably will not be able to do so for several weeks. I rather dread the trip since I have no hopes of your being my guide through its many intricate windings but duty to myself & to you will compel me to go to a good dentist ere long & when I do you shall have my picture as you have at last found courage to ask it. I believe you deliberated as long about that as at a former time for the original. One of your very modest requests I cannot comply with it is really too laughable. The very idea of your asking for my plans of futurity. I can only say / that I hope to try to make you a good wife beyond this I have never attempted to form plans. I am no advocate of the Woman's Rights law. I'm too well contented, to be taken care of, for that. No, good my lord you need not try to shake that burden off your shoulders expecting me to retake it. I've borne it long enough. You are the one to be questioned as regards schemes etc. & I shall enter into arrangements with as much zeal as a lawyer giving gentle hints now & then, & once in a while laying down law with regard to "keeping feet off the seats", or smoking allowed, please hang up your hat, & "Don't disarrange those books my dear but come & examine this one whose cover is getting dusty & the leaves all mouldy for want of a little company. Now, what would you like for dinner, pork & beans, with a little corn bread?" Now Irwin if it is leap year you need not think that I'm at all ambitious to resume the masculine habiliments (for I hear you know all all about those freaks of mine, though I never / could muster the courage to tell you I was very anxious you should know) they were very becoming once but my natural distaste for them gained the ascendency over pride. As you have questioned me I suppose you must have been thinking on the subject & have some definite plan marked out. I think that as I am slightly interested you should let me into the secret. Your duties as a Staff officer must be very laborious if not dangerous. I think General Cantey had best send on for me & me's poney I know we would do wonderful deeds if fast riding is all that is required suppose you suggest Miss McBean as a suitable person I expect she would come. I saw Gen Quarle's Brigade spoken of very highly in the papers just after it left Mobile. but have seen nothing save the list of the killed & wounded on the 27^th May. I read the news papers now with eager & fearful feelings. but I have seen no eulogium which I know the 4^th so well deserves. Do not be afraid that I'll think you vain if you praise / that worthy old Regiment. it deserves the warmest gratitude from every southern heart & no words are too good to be used in thanking them for the brave & noble part they took on the memorable 27^th. You say I am too reserved in writing to you I would like to stop such assertions as that with a kiss but as I cannot I suppose I must wield the pen. What an absurd notion I would be glad to know how it originated but when you get my letter of the 17^th June I know you will be convinced to the contrary for I told you in rather plain English what I thought of your duties socially speaking. I wish I could use a little magic on that letter, I scarcely think it would reach you. truth to tell I was piqued by your description of Miss Ford knowing that I possessed none of the qualities which you seemed to admire her for & then, to caution me against jealousy^(?) Oh! you hard hearted soldiers never mind you can't make me uneasy in the least degree again. Have / you paid the promised visit yet? Mr Graves called on us Friday evening the first time since the 9^th of March. I suppose "Sis" was the attraction as he "never waits on any young lady without hopes of future happiness with him" And certainly I have given him to understand that I can never be more to him than I am now. Lieut. Wilkenson was taken prisoner as I wrote you but before we reached Ocean Springs he asked for your address which at that time I could not give him. he wanted to write you with regard to a boat gang he had captured at Pass Christian. it was taken to the Island by some negroes so you have lost that I suppose. I did not pay much attention to any thing else he said & truth to tell I never spent such a disagreeable day in my life. he certainly is no ladies man. An exchanged prisoner passed through Handsboro last week who saw Captain Toby & Lieut. Wilkenson on the ship the former he said was / having fine times but poor Lieut. he was morose & sullen. Why can't he make the best of his leisure time I'd like to know?

 

            Irwin my dear do you remember that you once told me that "Sis" has a big heart but it takes very little to break it". Well if you could have seen her last night as I did you would have thought her dear little heart was bursting. I could not comfort her for the mystery of your not writing to her is one I cannot solve. She bore all your seeming neglect bravely but when she heard from Miss Shepherd yesterday that you wrote on the outside of an envelope to her (Sister Lizzie) "Write to Sis for me", it nearly killed her. I was surprised myself but did not say anything; after supper her sobs were really distressing. You once thought I was jealous of "Sis" but far from it: I shall be jealous for her if you permit the laws of etiquette to prevent you discharging "home duties". I know your time is very precious as well as Sister Lizzie's / letters & good will. Anola will not write again I am confident until she hears from you. I tried to persuade her that you had written & the letters miscarried but as mine come through after so long a time of course it seems but natural that hers should. I will not blame you though for I know you could not intentionally wound her feelings. If you do not have time to write two letters the next mail I will forego the greatest of pleasures to give you time to write to Sis, but if you have time do not forget, or fail to write to us both & if you send them remember that I not she is to blame for this lecture. did she know that I had written about her disappointment she would not forgive me soon. With your letters come cheerful replies to all querists but woe to the unfortunate if the expected epistles do not come.

 

            I will be cheerful & lively yes, happy as a lark when my mate returns but while he is absent Jennie's fancies droop & the song / will not sound natural. but believe me love I shall not be dull^(?) When peace once more blesses our beloved country God in His Holy word has promised to care for those who trust Him & I know there are many many prayerful believers in our distracted land & certainly if He would be willing to spare Sodom & Gomorrah for the sake of ten righteous persons He will spare the South from much more bloodshed. He is making the passions of man the instruments of punishing both North & South.

 

            How grateful I ought to & do feel to God for giving me so tractable a pupil as my future husband promises to be. Oh! for the power & grace of His Holy Spirit in my bosom to make me worthy of the trust commited with such faith into my hands. If prayers of mine would work out your salvation then indeed you need have no fears but Irwin you must pray for yourself, they would be more acceptable in the sight of God than / any others. How little He asks of us in return for all His blessings. "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ & thou shalt be saved". but how perverse human nature is. here we are the recipients of His bounty & goodness every moment of our lives & for how few do we ever think to thank Him? Oh! for a grateful sense of all his mercies & a prayerful watchful heart.

 

            Did you expect a compliment when you said you were such a poor describer of beautiful scenes? I could almost imagine myself by your side in the [paper hole] while you pictured it with such a master hand. Am I now connoisseur of natural beauties? You were never with me if you did not find that out for I have been called the enthusiast when any thing grand, sublime, exquisitely beautiful & magestic were before me. I often sigh for the material to make sketches of scenes & for the power to make them life like. But alas! both are / wanting. This as you see from the date is Sunday evening but my desire to converse with you was so strong I could not resist the temptation to write. You tell me to write a journal. I reckon you think it possible but 'tis not when I commence writing to you I can scarcely stop at all & if I wrote every day you would not have time to conclude me of any lengthy & uninteresting epistles before another would be waiting for perusal. Sis has just said "Jennie don't write to brother of his not writing to me". I made some playful remark about not being accountable to her for what I wrote but she is in no playful humor & says she does not wish me to say anything about it to you. I did not tell her that I had written or that I would not write. When you write to her forget what I wrote but I request a full explanation in your next to me as I do not like to have you censured unless I / can find some palliation for you. It is now growing late & I will stop for this evening & maybe tomorrow I'll finish this sheet I wish you would fill both sides of your letters 'tis a shame to leave a blank these hard times. surely your heart could find something to dictate while your fingers write & so be economical. Maybe your thoughts are kept as the misers gold but I assure you they will be appreciated & cared for if you will send them to me. Write just as you think in other words do as I do. God bless you dear one & restore you to us in safety. Aunt Mary would send love were she here but as she is not I'll send enough for both & now kiss me for we must say good night

 

Your affectionate

Jennie

 

"Monday Morning":                                                                           

June 20^th 1864                                                                                              

            I have not seen any of Mrs. Garret's family but will deliver the message with much pleasure. Miss Emma & Lou were here Friday evening and / both very well so they said were all the rest. Is the 22^nd Miss Regt. with you now. I have a sweetheart in it in whose debt of letters I am & would like to discharge You had better tell me candidly & maybe you may get jealous but never fear he is my cousin or rather brother for he has dignified me with the appelation of sister. My uncle Thomas McBean is in Co. "D" I believe & I would like to write to him but Lieut. Cowart seemed to think he was taken prisoner at Jackson.

 

            I should think Irwin you would have exposure enough without bathing after using sulpher you have no right to tamper with your health in that way remember you & it belong to me & I request as a personal favor that you take good care of both. I am perfectly free from those attacks of headache now & look & feel much better. The Major told me I had improved some since he saw me last. I wonder if he has any heart left? I dont think there can be he has been in love so many times. present my kind regards & well wishes to him & any one asking about me except—Miss ____ __ ____. My sheet is full to overflowing good bye my love. kisses & all my heart's love for you

                                                                                               

Yours devotedly

Irwin

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