Handsboro July 14^th 1864

 

Dearest Irwin

                        Many thanks for not scolding or complaining & quite a reproof for letting that you were in a hospital, ill, attended with all the horrors of a hospital sadly kept; & not give me any satisfaction as to the nature of your sufferings. Do you imagine that I have no heart? or mayhap you think it was none of my business whether you were really sick or not. if so I will spare you the trouble of answering if it is not my affair whose is it? Why did you not write that "terrible letter of complaints"? 'twould have been some relief to know you were well enough to quarrel. Have you not been a good boy? no you have not for every other letter complains of my silence and the rest say don't write such short & hasty notes. but you forget the old adage "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones". Come over & we'll compare notes as to my deserts you say you are the best judge of my quality and consequently of my nature. You have / given yourself which you consider nothing (have you already forgotten that "nothing" with me is life itself) for a jewel of rare price. pray tell me where the jewel is hidden that I may try the power of wearing it on my forehead over your fascinating self. I am thankful that my letters amuse you to so great an extent as your epistles seem to imply. are you not afraid to trust that jealous spark. I tell you Irwin when it does blaze the fire will be almost unquenchable but now that we both know it exists we must be very careful how fuel is added. Thank God I am not left in ignorance of its presence any longer jealous of the girl who would be kind enough to minister to your wants when 'twould be impossible for me to be with you? No loved one I could bless & love any one that cared for you while such case was needful. But in all this time I have not once mentioned what my heart is bursting to know. Miss Fannie Hempstead wrote to her sister Mrs. Myers that Lieut. Kendall had just arrived but that she had not seen him yet. How cruel you are if indeed 'tis true not to have come over ere this. but this is a mystery time alone can solve. were Aunt Mary well enough / we would not remain in this state of suspense long. How you could get home is strange to me your last letter was finished on the 6^th inst & then you said I don't intend to stay twelve hours more if I can help it & immediately afterwards tell me to direct as heretofore. then Anola writes on the twelfth 12^th & had not heard from brother since the 24^th. yet Miss Fannie writes by the same mail informing us all that you had come & Miss Emma Fleming kindly reports that she knew you had been expected for some time. What in the world does it mean. My poor brains cannot solve this problem & of course I enjoy alternate spells of laughing & crying. I suppose you would say hysterics but no wonder after the unsatisfactory content of your letters Why did you not wait & try my powers of nursing the sick? You see from my letter what a mood I'm in. first I throw down the pen & say well he is at home so what is the use of writing. then a desponding fit gets the better of hope & I seize the pen, scribble away as fast as possible a few minutes & down goes the pen. but the / candle is most out & I have got to find my way down stairs good night my love. 15^th I'm the only one up on the place & from present sounds will be for some time to come. nothing but the pleasure of conversing with you would have roused me for at least two hours yet. I would not send the first part of this great note if I did not want you to see how unpleasant I felt. actually I could scarcely see the page so fast were the tears filling my eyes but not one did I let find its way down my cheek. You should have seen me then your heart would have reproached you for remaining three days in Ocean Springs without at least letting me know it. but from what Miss Mollie says there is a greater attraction over at Mrs. H.s than in this place. I did not think little "Eddie" had such a large share of your love as that but so say Handsboro gossips. You don't deserve to kiss me when you come & I have half a mind to cut off my nose to spite my face but I'll make no rash promises. I had a great many curtain [?] yesterday about taking on so over the mere possibility of seeing my darling but I need scarcely say they did not

 

[cross written]

 

have the desired effect. If you do not know that you have taken quite a wife wilful piece of flesh to your heart permit me to enlighten you. as Mr. Graves says as to my making a good wife that is very doubtful but as I have never tried of course I am "not a good judge" I suppose I can try & I very much fear twill end there however we will see. "Well sir". don't you think I'd better stop writing before I make a fool of myself I believe I will for I have neuralgia in my head face & eyes one would think I was compelled to wink my eyes twice every second and from present prospects the rapidity will increase very much before many minutes. I believe I'll go blind if I don't get to Mobile soon. Good by & my darling unbounded love & kisses without number Good bye

                                                                                   

Yours devotedly

Jennie

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