Your letters are very very short

Handsboro July 8^th 1864.

           

My Dearest Irwin

                                    Your letter dated 22^nd & finished on the 23^rd June was thankfully received by our last mail, one for "Sis" came too but as she had returned home of course it was too late for me to enjoy her pleasure & sympathize with her. Will you be very angry with me for breaking the seal & perusing it? I did as I thought she would have had me do & as I would have wanted you to do under similar circumstances. You do not acknowledge the receipt of my letter of the 9^th June. did you not get it? I keep a strict account of every date, not only of mine but yours & the day I receive your letters so that when you come home I can clear myself of any neglect you had better be careful how you accuse me wrongfully I will have ample vengeance on your pet mustaches when you come home. "Will I make you a tobacco pouch"? Now that is sick after having forbidden the use of that foul weed to make it as attractive as possible / by sending you a piece of my work to carry it in. that is like forbidding a child to whittle & then making him a present of a knife. Without tantalizing you farther though I will promise to try but you must not look for too much & take the will for the deed. material is scarce now & I'll have to take what I can get. will you promise to put up with anything I send? 'twill be the first I ever tried to make so you may value it accordingly. I'll try to have it done to send by the next mail but certainly by the one after. congratulate me, I have finished that piece of knitting. two days sufficed when I determined to finish before writing to you again. If you have to read any scribbling while riding along certainly I should write with more care but 'twill take me forever & a day to write four pages. beside Confederate paper bids fair to out general me & compel me to write as fast as possible to prevent blotting. I would give much to write slowly & distinctly but a bears paw never could handle the pen. "art cannot compel nature". my darling father used to say I never would be able to write my name legibly, it used to distress him greatly thinking as he did that handwriting was indicative of ones character. When he tried / he could write beautifully but having a great deal of writing to do & but little time to do it in he necessarily acquired the habit of fast writing & only on very particular occasions was he choice of pens. I once saw a piece of poetry that he composed & wrote on the aniversary of Washington's death & though by my parent I must say I thought it the most beautiful thing I ever saw or read. many persons wished him to have it published but he did not & since his death I have never been able to find it. Most likely its existence would never have been known but for the prying eyes of your love & the curiosity of some of my friends. I spent the day with Mrs. L. L. Davis yesterday & had a very pleasant time She is a true friend of mine & was the kindest of friends to both my parents. a week never passed but she visited mother in her last illness & she always came laden with priceless luxuries to a sick person. While I was at school she would ride out to Handsboro every day & carry my dear father what he was too ill to procure. Kiss her for her care of the father when / deprived of the consolation afforded by the child. I shall always love her & respect her as I do but very few. Many a hand has been lifted to bless her & if prayers can save, Mrs. Davis will be one of the thrice blessed in Heaven.

 

            No the mail is only partly to blame for my troubles war! war! war! is the heart rending cry of my soul God grant us a speedy victory & peace. deprived of the pleasure my heart craves most I naturally long for the next but were you at home & peace smiled over our land the mail might go to Guinea for all I'd care. I think you must have got tired reading the letter that was bulky enough for a writing desk. but you deserved to have your patience tried if you importune for what you do not want, vis. long letters. but if you really wish long letters I can gratify you at the same time with myself for the only real pleasures I have are when perusing your charming letters or writing to you. Am I not writing more cheerfully of late and are you better pleased. I have been sorry many times that I allowed myself to be so low spirited knowing what / is. Aunt M. & Mrs. Bingham have gone in the country to day after peaches I hope they will come back soon for I am getting restless. Come before peaches are gone if you can procure a leave of abscense I would give a great deal to see you with a large basketful by you. I judge you by my self & say you are very fond of them. As to the post of conscript officer here at Handsboro or any other I should not think it a very desirable situation & 'tis one that I would rather not see you fill. there is no honor attached to it & if you are needed as a soldier you certainly are doing more real service to the Confederacy in active service. Irwin do not think me more cold than natural for God knows how much I suffer in being separated from you. I love you far too well to advise you to do anything not altogether right & honorable from any selfish motives and I know you will appreciate my society more when you have no unpleasant idea associated with me. When you come home, Irwin will you not feel better satisfied with me & yourself too to know that I never asked you & that you never came home without leave from the superior officers / & that you always served your country on the field and not where houses screened you from the sun & sheltered from the storms. in other words if you had not known me would you have desired the place of conscript officer. No, you would not & do not but only asked to see what my answer would be. I am not afraid of wounding your feelings by saying what I have. I know it is what you would have prompted. You know too that I am no mercenary to calculate the differences between conscripting & shouldering the musket: that I love you, you cannot possibly doubt & you seem to understand me so well 'twould be useless to say whether my love is ardent & devoted or mere fancy. Then Irwin I know you will understand me & not feel hurt when I say I would rather see you a private in the army than the highest officer in the Conscript Bureau. Worlds would be no equivalent to the priceless value of a seat near you this evening Irwin & I feel almost tempted to say get the situation if you can. But no I have acted so heroically heretofore that I will stop ere I spoil all I have done through mercy to your powers of endurance so I will close. God bless you Irwin I feel secure as you are in His hands. Good bye my only love. write as often as you can & the longer your letters are the better I will be pleased. Aunt sends love & L would if she were here.         

                                                                                                           

Yours devotedly

Jennie

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