Washington June 18^th 1861

 

After writing you on yesterday dear Louise I called with Colⁿ Taylor upon the President and had a short interview with him. He was very friendly & polite. I told him that I was anxious to do service for the country if he could find a place for me in the army &c. His reply was not very satisfactory in as much as the list of appointments had already been made out by the cabinet, and he did not desire to interfere with them, & had not done so except in some few instances. Just then Mr Cameron the Secretary of war came in and fearing that I might interfere with some important business I took my leave. So you see the prospect of my getting any commission / outside of the Bungtown is not very flattering. Pray do not speak of my having made an application to any one as I do not care to have my movements discussed by everyone. I feel much disappointed I confess, for I most sincerely feel that my duty to my country calls me to do all that I can in this unfortunate time. I know dear wife that you will feel badly at the idea of my asking for a commission, but I trust to your love for me, to rightly appreciate my course. If I had been successful the separation from you would have been a great trial to me, for you well know how very dear to me you are, but I feel that such a separation would only be temporary, and I know that although you would grieve, yet when I came back to you, you would feel proud that your husband had done his duty. 

 

            You have often heard me talk dear wife of the duty, which unfortunately has been impressed upon all loyal men by this terrible trouble, and therefore I need not tell you, that I should forever feel disgraced did I fall short in the time of peril. So far I have done all that I could. I have offered my services, hoping to be placed in some position which would be advantageous, & if I cannot succeed I must still do some work in the cause perhaps in a much more humble sphere. I cannot sit idle in this great struggle, but must be up and doing to the extent of my power. And now will not my dear wife lend me a helping hand by showing that true devotion which looks to her husbands interest and honor, and bears the ills which may come bravely & without repining. But it is not / worthwhile to discuss this matter now dear wife, as I do not think I have any chance for such a commission as I would want. I feel very badly about it, and know that worse men have received commissions.

 

            Yesterday afternoon we saw a grand review of the troops in Virginia. It is the largest they say that has ever been in this country. Our men looked finely and I felt proud of them. I am idle whilst brave men are doing their duty manfully. I hope ere this darling wife that you have been able to go down stairs. How is baby & the children? Ev sends her love to you your mother & Eliza & the children. We expect to leave for home tomorrow. Only one letter from you. I suppose you have written for I have never known you deficient in this or any other thing.

 

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The bell rings and visitors are coming, so darling wife good bye with loving kisses for you baby & the children & love to your mother & Eliza

                                                                       

Your loving husband

N. C. M^cLean

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