Newburg Va Feb 11^th 1862

 

            I received your letter which Mr Anderson should have brought, but which he sent as freight, dear wife only this morning. I also received last night the box and letter sent by Mr Davenport. Your good things were received by us all with great rejoicing, and Johnston, Minor and all the rest return many thanks. The box was brought into my quarters and then opened, and great was the enjoyment as each package was taken out examined and the label read. George is made up for the present. The supply came just in time as our stock of good things was getting very low. All the things arrived safely with the exception of our bottle of mushroom catsup for Mr Johnston, which unfortunately had lost its neck, and thereby its contents. Tell the children we will enjoy the good / things much more from the fact of of their coming from home.

 

I notice that two bags had disappeared from the fig box, and I thought I could see dear little Johnny tasting just to know whether the figs were good which he was sending to Pa.

 

Your two last letters darling wife have distressed me a good deal. You seem to still be in such low spirits, and to be troubled about the children. This last cause I hope will be removed by my letter to Mrs Burnet. If she should still persist in talking I know of no way to stop her, but you must have sufficient firmness to act entirely independent of her opinion. I know that it must be unpleasant, but dear wife remember that you are not only acting in accordance with your own conscience, but with my entire and hearty approval. Burnet writes me that he delivered my letter to his grandmother, and that she / says I misunderstand her. That she has full confidence in you, but that she fears the health of Louisville, and its nearness to danger. Now upon these points she is utterly mistaken, and you ought to feel relieved also, as her objection is not personal to you. This is easy to write but hard to do, you will say. I realize this dear wife fully, but I know you have a brave heart when duty calls upon you to perform anything, and you will find comfort in doing in this as your conscience dictates. Remember dear wife that I am with you heart & soul in all you do, and that when I am away I have no one upon whom to rely in this matter but you. If I could aid you in any way I would do so with all my heart, but being here I can only give my advice & sustain you by warmer love on my / part for all that you do and suffer. You must go to Louisville at once. Do not delay but make your arrangements and go at once. I much prefer that you should be with your mother at this time, more particularly if you are in the state I think you are. You have not written me upon this subject atall, but your low spirits, I think are increased by this cause. Did the last of January bring any change? If not the matter is settled, and you may begin to look forward to a happier time in the future for both you and I, when we may see our joint lives pictured in miniature. Some foolish person has told you about any harm falling with me. The circumstance was but of so little importance that I did not think it worth while to even mention it. My horse fell on the railroad track, and I immediately mounted him again, & remained on horseback all day. I received no injury whatever. It was Jerry. And now I have just read your last letter again darling wife, and you cannot tell how much I feel for you in your loneliness. Nothing would give me more happiness than to have you with me all the time, were I in a suitable place, but I cannot give way to selfish feelings so much or to try to carry you with me on the march. Of this however rest assured, that if I should be taken sick you shall have notice and unless the orders forbid you shall come to me at once. You know that I cannot disobey the orders of my superior officers, and their commands alone will prevent my sending for you, if it is possible to have you come. You need not urge this for I shall be too ready to have my dear wife to nurse me, as no one else in the world could. You distress me by your continued headaches. I hope you will find some remedy for them If you do not they / may injure your health. Now dear wife let me make an appeal to you on my part. You are grieving over my absence, and fearing for me to such a degree, that your health will suffer if you do not control yourself better. Remember that however sick you might be, the probability will be that leave of absence would not be granted me to visit you. I am now under the command of another and he might deem it very important to keep me at my post. Should such a case as this happen I should almost go crazy. To resign in the face of the enemy would forever disgrace me and yet not to be able to go to you in case of severe sickness would be to me a cruel punishment. Another thing dear wife you owe it to me to take all possible care of your health in every way, for you are to me what the the sunlight is to the earth. I know that you love me dearly, and therefore I hope for my sake you will overcome your low spirits and look upon the brighter side of the picture. Think dear wife of the position your husband occupies, and the duty which he is performing. These things should make you feel a pride, which in a measure would counterbalance your fears. Remember that a kind Providence rules over us all and disposes of our destinies according to the dictates of infinite wisdom. Let us trust implicitly that good Father who loves his children and does all things for their good. You have faith, and you are a sincere christian, oh take comfort where it is to be found. You have asked me if I loved you to grant your request about coming to me if I should be / taken sick, and I have cheerfully and selfishly granted it. Now on my part I will say, if you love me dear wife overcome this wrong feeling & this sadness on account of my absence. I am selfish in this too, for your distress during my absence would be to me a great trial. I hope you will go to Louisville at once, for I know your good mother will cheer you up so that I shall soon hear of my darling wife at least cheerful & resigned.

 

            As yet we remain here and for aught I know we may continue to do so for many weeks. Gen^l Lander has no need of us at present, and unless to support him, there is no object in our advance that I know of.

 

Our regiment has obtained a fine reputation throughout the whole country here, for its good conduct in all respects. Generally we are in good health. We have but three or four / patients in the hospital who are considered in any danger. The whole number reported sick amounts to I believe eighty six, but out of this number a great many are only sick enough to be excused from guard duty, whilst they are well enough to go upon dress parade. I try to have the men take good care of themselves and succeed pretty well. My Surgeons are good and attentive. Other regiments in advance are said to be suffering very severely & I have no doubt it arises in a great measure from neglect on the part of the officers.

 

            I have stolen away from my tent tonight into the house alongside in order to write to you, but even here I have been interrupted three times. Tonight I left the school of the officers to Col Constable and he is no doubt deep in the tactics now. / Major Reily and all of the officers are well.

 

            Good night dear wife. Love to all the children and Jane, and good night kisses to dear little wife. May God protect & bless all of my dear ones at home.

                                                                                                                       

N. C. M^cLean

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