Huttonsville March 20^th /62

 

            The school for officers is just over and late as it is I will still dear wife write you a letter. Today was mail day, but no letter from you or any one else. The whole day has been a disagreeable one, and I felt that I should not receive a letter. This feeling grew upon as the time approached for the distribution of the mail until I actually had the blues. Coming events are said to cast their shadow before and in this case the remark proved a true one, for my fears were realized and I am tonight without anything from you to cheer me up. The night corresponds with my feelings for the rain is now pouring down in torrents upon our tent, and every now and then the wind howls around as if it were mad at the resistance of our tent ropes and pins / which are severely tried. I do not remember if I have written you how I am fixed in camp, and lest I have not will write you now. Col Constable and myself occupy the same tent, which is also the dining room of the mess. You remember the large tent which was erected in front of my tent at Camp M^cLean. It is a hospital tent of the best material and quite large. This is the tent which we have appropriated for the present for our quarters, and we find it very comfortable. The rain never penetrates, but the wind finds holes here and there around the bottom near the entrances, into which it rushes rather disagreeably at times. This however we are used to, and do not mind. In truth all the hardships we are called upon to endure are easily born if we can only be assured of the safety of the loved ones at home. The mail only comes three times a week, and / if we are disappointed in receiving letters then we feel it much more than if we had daily mail. I must now wait until Saturday for there is no possible chance of a letter by mail until then. I do not blame you in the least dear wife for I know from past experience that you have certainly written to me. I cannot however help feeling depressed tonight, by having my feelings in regard to the mail prove correct. Last night I wrote you a letter which I sent this morning to Cinti by one of my Captains who is ordered there to report to Major M^cCrea on recruiting service. He will mail it for Louisville there and I hope it will reach you sooner than by the regular mail. Gen^l Milroy has not yet returned and so as yet we know nothing of our destination. We are all getting very impatient at the delay in a forward movement, and have some fears that we may be left to guard the mountain proper. / This would be considered by the whole regiment as a great misfortune. At present we can afford to wait a little while until the weather settles, as we are all the time improving both in health and drill.

 

If I can only have a short time more to perfect the men in battalion drill I shall not be ashamed to exhibit them before any one. They have reached that point when every drill almost shows an improvement. With the drill comes better discipline, and consequently more efficiency. I therefore content myself with the delay more readily than I otherwise could, if we were so situated as not to have a suitable place for drill. Have you seen the announcement that Donn Piatt has been nominated as Brig^r Gen^l? I cannot understand this, as it has been proclaimed that all future promotions would be made as the reward of services rendered. I feel that his nomination is an outrage to the army. Fancy my serving under him for my commander. I think it would kill me. / There must have been some strange influence brought to bear to procure his nomination. Such things as this take away a great incentive to officers to exert themselves in the performance of their duty. If many such nominations are made, it is well for the Government that this war is not an ordinary one, for nothing but the strongest patriotism can resist such favoritism as this. I will try to shut up eyes to such things and devote myself to the performance of my duty, hoping still that merit will meet its proper reward in the end. Do not suppose from this that I am atall dissatisfied with my present position, for such is not the case. If I can only fill it properly I shall be satisfied. Every effort shall be made on my part to do so, and I feel that to you at least I can say without boasting that up to this time both my men & officers / feel and say that they are perfectly satisfied with their Colonel. This you must keep to yourself, for others would call it boasting, but you I know will feel that I am barely stating that which is true. Many times my officers have both individually and together expressed to me their entire satisfaction in all things with my management of the regiment. The men I believe will yield me at all times a cheerful obedience and when I lead will follow in the face of all obstacles. I have gained their entire confidence and this gives me control in a way that will make the 75^th a crack regiment if we ever get the chance to show ourselves. I am trying very hard to get the regiment paid off, but do not know that I can succeed. I have telegraphed twice this week to headquarters upon the subject, but as yet have received no reply. The men are suffering for their / pay and ought to have it to send home. Many of them have been in service since the last of September without having received one dollar of pay, and yet our Government profess to pay off every two months. Where the fault lies I do not know, but certainly not with the poor soldiers. In speaking of the pay, it reminds me to ask how you are off for money? Have you enough for all your wants? I cannot help you at present from here, but will do so as soon as the paymaster makes his visit.

 

            I have been writing about everything and nothing and at last have got round to the place where I began: home and the dear ones there. Everything centers there with me, and no matter how far I may get away my thoughts continually run back to that point. I have felt lately a great longing to be with you dear wife, so much so that I was / glad the weather was too inclement to have battalion drill. I have been thinking how much you needed my care and advice in your present situation, and how sensitive you were upon the subject. How dearly I should like to be with you, I need not tell you. There is nothing could keep me away but the strong sense of duty which has brought me here. How sincerely I hope there may be a speedy termination of this war, so that I may again take you in my arms in happiness and peace. I must not think too much of this as it unfits me for my present duties, causing me to perform them grudgingly.

 

I received the Journal with your Uncle Williams letter in it. I suppose some of the family sent it to me. I have not had time as yet to look over the whole paper which contains it. Love to the children and all the family. Good night kisses many loving & warm from the heart for darling little wife.       N. C. M^cLean

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