Huttonsville March 22^nd 1862

 

            The mail has at last arrived bringing me two letters from you and our poor Eliza. The announcement of Evy's sickness has depressed me more than I can tell you. I fear the disease she has more than any other for children. Six days have now passed and from the fact of my not receiving a telegraph I take comfort in hoping that she is better. How terribly anxious you must feel dear wife. I am rejoiced that you are at home where you can procure the best medical advice, and have so many to assist you in nursing. Would that I could be with you to share your labor and help our dear little girl. Evy has always been such a dear good girl in everything all her life, that any serious sickness to her is very hard to bear on our part, although I know without your telling me that she will be patient and gentle through it all / May our Heavenly Father soon restore he to perfect and strong health. How much suffering the origination of this war has yet to answer for. I fear we shall all be embittered before it ends. I can only suffer with you dear wife in the trials which are upon us. I cannot aid you, for my hands are bound more tightly than if I were in actual bondage. Then I might escape to you but now I dare not think of such a thing no matter what misfortune comes.

 

You ask if you cannot visit me here at Huttonsville. If I could only have you here, so far as my own inclination is concerned you well know that to me there would be great happiness in so doing, but when I think if the realities around me, the thing is simply impossible. No dear wife you and I must both bear this separation as best we can, each in their proper sphere doing their duty with as much cheerfulness as possible. 

 

            I know that this thing of duty forever sounding in ones ears is not pleasant, and yet dear wife it is the only thing which sustains me, and enables me to pass onward in the course I have taken. You must not grieve for me, or imagine that I am suffering in any way. My life here to be sure is far from one of ease and luxury, but it is one that I can bear with pleasure even, if I can contribute to the glorious end which we hope to accomplish. God is everywhere and I trust myself to his protection as freely here as at our house at Glendale. Look around you dear wife and see if he is not striking here and there at home as well as abroad. Look at our dear little Evy suffering even now with a painful disease at home surrounded by every care and comfort, whilst I am presumed in apparent health in the midst of privations to which I am entirely unaccustomed. Grieve not therefore, as / if I were deprived of the protection which shelters us all alike but rather comfort yourself in trusting to his mercy and goodness in again uniting us in peace & happiness at home. I shall look for your next letter with great anxiety to hear how Evy is. The mail does not come again until Tuesday, and I must wait with as much patience as I can muster for that day. My heart is very sad tonight dear wife and I cannot write you as I could wish to, but you must take my letter as it is, with all its dullness. Before the next mail day I will try to write you a more cheerful letter. I have no news to communicate. Gen^l Milroy has returned and is waiting for reinforcements to arrive before he makes an advance. The roads are it is said worse than ever, so that our stay here is likely to last for some little time. Give my love with kisses to dear Evy and say that I did write to her some time ago. Love to Johny & all the family and good night kisses loving & warm to darling wife.

                                                                                   

N. C. M^cLean

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