Monterey April 24^th 1862

 

            I did not write my usual letter to you last night dear wife because I was at M^cDowell by order of Gen^l Milroy together with the Commanders of all the different forces here. The Gen^l held a council of war in regard to our movements. You once before accused me almost of want of confidence in you because I did not inform you of some of our military matters, and I am afraid you will feel inclined to do so now as I must not divulge our consultation even to you. Your accusation will however be urgent, for want of confidence in you is not the reason for my silence, but, I dare not write our plans lest my letter should happen to fall into the hands of the enemy, and they might in this way be able to defeat us. Neither is this atall unlikely, for some two or three of our mails have been lost by the men who carried them, either / by gross carelessness or something worse. Some of the mails have been found by teamsters, or cavalry men passing along the road, and after much delay brought into camp almost destroyed by rain and mud. With the knowledge of these facts it will not do to trust anything of importance in regard to our military movements in such mails. At M^cDowell we all staid at the house of which I wrote you once before. The rooms are large and quite nicely though plainly furnished. It is the second time I have slept in the house, and each time paid a dollar for the privilege. I have not yet made the acquaintance of the widow who owns the house as she has been confined to her room by sickness each time I have staid all night. She however has been represented at the table & on the first night in the parlor by a young lady of the same name who comes from Ohio. She professes secessionism in a mild fashion / which does not give offence, and though not handsome, is still quite good looking and dresses and acts like a lady. There is a very good piano in the parlor, and at the request of some of the unmarried aids of the General she entertained the whole party with both vocal and instrumental music. We had been debarred from all things of this kind for so long a time that we considered it quite a treat. The novelty of such a thing in this desolate region was to me almost its only charm, as the young lady sung without the least expression even the most touching songs. The whole house however reminded us all of home and its comforts. We sat down to a table at our meals neatly arranged with handsome gold band china, clean white tablecloth and silver spoons. All this was pleasant and reminded me of home and for this I liked it. Whenever the General goes to M^cDowell he makes this house his headquarters, and as a matter of / course I shall go there also until the regiment is moved there also. Tonight I am again back in my tent, and it really is so comfortable compared with the quarters of some of the other officers that I have learned to look upon it as a sort of home. Just now it feels peculiarly comfortable. The rain has just commenced pouring down, and it sounds upon the fly in a very agreeable and soothing way. This morning we started upon our return from McDowell in a bleak snowstorm which increased in violence during our whole ride. The snow has continued to fall incessantly during the whole day until since dark, when the rain has taken its place. The snow has reached a depth of more than nine inches on the level plain and this rain will probably carry it off with such a rush as to cause a flood in all the mountain streams. I hope most sincerely that this snow may be the last one until next winter. Just think of it; a snow nine inches deep on the 24^th of April. Yesterday morning I really had some hope that the spring was about to begin, but today we seem to be in mid winter. I noticed yesterday in going into M^cDowell, which is situated in a valley at the foot of a mountain, that the peach trees were in full bloom, and yet today we have a snow of nine inches in depth. Who would voluntarily live in such a country. The men that we meet who were born and raised in this region are as a general rule uneducated and exceedingly coarse in all things. The women are of the same stamp. Many of them smoke pipes and swear like the men. There must be exceptions and indeed I know there are as I have seen some myself, but I speak of the majority of those we have met.

 

            It is now nearly ten oclock and past my usual bed time. Capt Deshler has just left the tent. He interrupted my letter early in the evening and has been talking steadily / ever since, telling me circumstances in regard to one of our men which he certainly has detailed to me at least once before. His talk has made me very sleepy, but I must finish my letter tonight before I go to bed, or it will not leave in the morning. I believe I have directed you to direct your letters to Huttonsville still, but now I wish you to address me at this place, writing upon the letter plainly the number of the regiment and the words "To follow the regiment". I do not wish you to direct to Huttonsville again as there is a prospect of that line being abandoned, and in that event your letters might remain at the office at that place for a long time. By addressing me here, your letters will if the line should be changed be forwarded by New Creek. How much I wish dear wife that this miserable war would end so that I could again return home. It will be three months tomorrow since we left Cincinnati and it seems / to me as if a much longer time had passed. There are times when in thinking of you and the children at home, it seems as if it would be almost impossible for me to remain away much longer. If we are to be kept idle with no chance to do any good in this great struggle our lot will indeed be a hard one. We have already passed through almost every imaginable hardship in the way of camping and marching during a winter campaign, and have had but one little brush. As yet we are ignorant as to our future destination. Fremonts department extends on this line only to the Shenandoah mountain and the rebels have fled from their camp at that point and have been followed by our scouts far beyond, and the question is now seriously asked by all: are we to be confined to the limits of this department, or are we to be permitted to push forward to wherever we can find the enemy? Perhaps if we cannot pass the limits of the department / we might at least be permitted to move to the line, and make mouths at the rebels on the other side, and skear them off in that way. It is certainly very unsatisfactory to be compelled to remain quiet here while all over the country other troops are doing noble service in the cause. We have no telegraphic communication nearer than forty miles of this place over most horrible roads, and yet the General in command remains at Wheeling giving no intimation of his plans, and leaving nothing to the knowledge or discretion of the commander of his brigade, but putting on the curb orders him to remain here. What this means I do not know. I cannot understand how troops can be commanded so arbitrarily, at such a distance and without telegraphic communication. Perhaps I am ignorant, but my idea of the duty of a commanding general's duty is that he should be at the head of his army in the field when they are actively employed. Love to all the children and family, with good night kisses to darling wife. N. C. M^cLean

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