Franklin May 20^th 1862

 

            Today dear wife I received a letter from you dated May 14^th. It was received most gladly dear wife, but it made me sad to find that you still seem to reproach me for the course I have taken. You must not do me the injustice to suppose that anything which I have done indicates any decrease in my love for you. To have you even hint at this hurts me more than you imagine as I do not believe you would ever even glance at such an idea. In this miserable war we all suffer. There are none that are free, and there can be no immunity for you and I. You know well the matters that have induced me to take my present position, have been those which might move an honorable man in the path of duty. You also know that I have taken my course at no inconsiderable sacrifice of happiness on my part, to say nothing of pecuniary matters. You also know that nothing but the strongest feeling of the injurious nature of my duty keeps me here away from my home, and all that there is of happiness for me. / Knowing all this dear wife why will you distress yourself and me also, by vain repinings and imaginary feelings which have no existence except with you. I feel a little despaired to complain of you for our life here now is certainly not one to be atall envied. Since the commencement of our backward movement we have until our arrival here been making hard marches and had hard fighting with constant alarms which have prevented the usual rest at night. In addition to this the rations have been so short that at times we have been half starved, and never fully fed. The men & officers too are without bread, and have been for many days with the exception of jerky less than one third of a ration of that article once or twice since our arrival. Our rations in other articles have not been quite so short, but nearly so, and in truth we have been on such short and hard fare that numbers of the men are getting sick. The truth is the government have failed to give to Gen^l Fremont sufficient transportation and his army must therefore starve even at this point. We cannot advance one foot beyond this point until this matter is remedied. Our men cry out / for crackers (hard bread) at every parade and drill, and I cannot blame them. I have eaten no bread myself for several days and do not expect to until my men are served. A provision train is said to be within five miles of us, but when this comes it will only be a drop in the bucket. Now dear wife do you think this so pleasant as to make me desire to remain here away from you? Surely there is nothing tempting here in any point of view, and you ought to know that I remain from the same pure motives which I hope influenced me to take the first step. Look to the future and upward for consolation and comfort. Rest assured dear wife that all we are both suffering will work for our good. Do not fear that I atall undervalue your position or that which you must suffer both in mind and body. The thoughts of it cause me many anxious and painful thoughts, but I see no remedy at present. I have already written you in regard to your course next fall, and no doubt ere this you have received my letter upon that subject. Perhaps this war may be over by that time. Indeed there seems to be every indication to that effect unless / our forces should receive a heavy defeat. This however I do not anticipate and if we on all sides continue to press forward victorious I cannot see how it will be possible to make this war last in its present magnitude much longer. The enemy who pursued us to this point have rapidly retreated and our scouts report that all their forces with the exception of a small cavalry force have fallen back on the other side of Shenandoah Mountain. This indicates weakness and fear of an attack from some of our forces in another direction. Nothing but our want of transportation and provisions for man & beast prevents us from immediately following after them. As it is we are tied hand and foot for the present. In the meantime I am kept busy having been detailed as president of a general court martial. I have been holding court all day and have the pleasant prospect of perhaps a week or more of such work before me. This kind of work does not suit me atall, but I am ordered and must obey. Your letter of the 14^th does not mention my telegraph after the battle. Did you ever receive it. I telegraphed twice to you. 

 

            The paymaster has been here as you will see by the enclosed paper. I received four hundred and sixty two dollars, and after paying my bills here, have managed with what I had on hand to retain enough and send you four hundred dollars. The State have appointed agents to visit the Ohio regiments with the paymaster and receive from the soldiers such sums as they desire to send home. The agents are paid by the State, and the money is transmitted without cost to the soldiers. The modus operandi as explained to me is as follows. The agent gives such a receipt as the enclosed and this bonds the State. The money is sent to the treasurers of the different counties where the soldiers live and by them paid out to those who are entitled to receive it. When the names of those sending money are received by the treasurer, they immediately publish the fact and the names of those who are to receive the money, and the parties calling upon the treasurer receive their money without further difficulty. If you need the money, do not wait for / this publication, but perhaps Mr Thompson or some one who knows the treasurer can get him to take up the enclosed receipt even before he receives the proper notice of the receipt of the money by the agent. This sum will add to your means and I hope make you feel more comfortable in regard to money matters. Taxes however are coming on and must be met, so that you will not have any surplus. Do not grieve however dear wife but let us both do as well as we can, and leave the result to Providence. I am sorry to have to write that George is going to leave me. He has become dissatisfied and prefers to go home, and I must part with him although I shall do so with reluctance. My expenses will be reduced somewhat, as I will not pay another servant the same wages, but I know that I cannot be as well suited. He has not cooked for us for some time, as I found that interfered with my comfort very materially. We have a man & his wife who attend to this part of the business. The man waits on Major Riley & the woman cooks for the mess. / They are black and get along very well.

 

            At present servants seem to be very scarce, but no doubt in a day or two I shall be able to supply myself very well. I shall make George promise to go and see you when he returns. He can tell you exactly how we have been getting along in all respects. He also saw the battle and can give you I suppose a very good description of it. As yet I have seen no account in the papers of it, but suppose it will appear some time or other for it certainly deserves favorable mention.

 

            Day before yesterday I hoped to be transferred to Schencks brigade, but today my hope has gone. Gen^l Fremont ordered Milroy to transfer one of his regiments to Schenck and he gave him the 32^nd Ohio under command of Col Ford, a regiment which he has desired to get rid of for some time. Schenck asked him for the 75^th but he would not give us up. He likes us too well to part with us, so that our own good conduct has in this particular instance prevented our obtaining our desire. This however I have no doubt will be all for the best in the end. Col Ford was / the ranking Colonel in our brigade and if anything happened to Milroy he would have taken the command. This thought was unpleasant to me. Now he is gone I feel better reconciled. There has also been two resignations of Colonels in our brigade since our arrival here, and this makes me rank next to Col Hughes of the 2^nd Virginia, and his health is so feeble that he cannot take the field, so that in effect when it comes to actual duty, I will rank next to Milroy in the brigade. The resignations were Col Jones of the 25^th Ohio & Col Morse of the 3^rd Virginia. The first resigned on account of ill health and the reasons of the second are not stated, but are suppose to have reference to the decision of the examining board, before which he appeared a short time since. Those changes make me better contented than when I last wrote you although I still disapprove as much as ever of the foreign element which seems to envelope Fremont so much as to almost hide him from the American officers. It is late and I must say good night with loving kisses to dear little wife and love to Lindy and the children—

N. C. M^cLean

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