P.S. Since coming down to breakfast I find that last night Bell gave birth to a little boy. They are both well—

 

Washington City Oct 23^rd 1862

 

            I arrived here safely dear wife last night but feeling very low spirited. You seemed to take my going so sadly that it has cast a gloom over everything. I know that it is very hard for you to be left alone at home, and that you cannot be as happy as if I were there to share with you all that may happen, but in a time like this there are very few who are so situated as to be able to gratify this desire. I think you look only upon the dark side too much and that if you were only more hopeful for the future that you would be much happier during my absence. I shall go out to camp at Centerville where the brigade still is, and from present indications likely to remain. Gen^l Stahel was in the city and in calling to see Gen^l Schenck I met him. He has gone out but did not seem to feel as if there was any movement about to be made of importance. Unless the army moves here very shortly we must go into winter quarters where we are. I cannot think however that we are / to remain idle and permit the confederates quietly to retreat to Richmond. Gen^l M^cClellan certainly from all accounts has the power to move, but as yet he remains quiet sending out small parties of observation only. He doubtless has good reasons for his delay, but everybody here is getting very impatient. His movements however may not influence us, as it is probable that we will be left at or near Centerville to guard the approach to Washington from surprise by the confederates. If this should be so I intend to have you come on here. A few weeks will determine the matter so that I can write you definitely. I hope you will find our new man reliable so that in the event of your coming here you can leave the house entirely in his charge. You had better see his wife and judge for yourself whether she would be a proper person to leave in the house. I expect it will be very expensive living here but if they will only make me a Brigadier we can better afford it than at present. As yet I hear nothing definite from the Department in regard to my promotion. I called upon Mr Chase to deliver to him a letter from W^m Barnet as I promised, and whilst there he of his own accord mentioned the subject of my promotion, and said that he had brought the matter / up several times, and that his suggestions had been received very kindly, and he believed that my promotion would yet be made. This seems to be encouraging, and I will still hope that I may in due time receive the star. At present I think our Generals seem to be struggling for place, and I very much fear that in this way the true interest of the country may be neglected. Winter is coming on rapidly and unless we strike soon we can do nothing until spring. If we remain quiet I intend to take advantage of it, and live as happily as possible until active operations begin again. If we rest for the winter I hope it will be at some place where I can have you & the children with me, or at least very near where I can visit you often. Will you come and put up with such accommodations as I can find I should like to have the whole family if possible, but I am afraid Sat would very soon become disgusted with such a place as Centerville, even if she could leave her friend Miss Oglesby. There will however be time enough to settle all details when the time arrives, if it should come atall, as I think it will from present indications. Let us hope for the best and keep up cheerful hearts, let what will happen. 

 

Upon my arrival here I found no one at home but Ev, Bell, Hancock & the children. The Colonel is still at St Louis and Evy has gone to New York to visit her motherinlaw Mrs Kingsbury. Bell has not yet been confined although she has been expecting it for some time. Her husband although very near with Gen^l M^cClellan cannot be with her. He is kept in the field so you see some others have hard times as well as yourself. That is but poor consolation, but I remember you complained that so many around you seemed so happy, whilst you were so miserable in my absence. You must try and be contented dear wife and trust that God in his mercy will in the end order all things for our good. Let us both pursue that which we honestly believe to be the path of duty, and we will meet with our reward. You say that you cannot understand how I can part from you so calmly; but you have judged me wrongly if you have supposed that I did not suffer at our parting. I believe it was harder to part from you this time than the first, and I feel as gloomy and low spirited, with but little inclination for my duties. I do not give way as you do and this is but natural, for men are taught from boyhood up to control & hide their distress upon all occasions. Cheer up dear wife and hope that we may shortly meet again for the winter. Give my love to Eliza and the children & remember me to Miss Daily. Loving kisses to darling wife

N. C. M^cLean

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