Head Quarters 2^nd Brig 1^st Div

Camp at Gainesville Nov 6^th 1862

 

            I received two letters from you dear wife, last night. They were very welcome for I had not heard for some time and felt very anxious, as you said in your last that baby was not very well and I began to fear you had not written on account of her sickness. The first letter I read was a very long one and so low spirited that it would have given me the blues terribly if your other letter written two days later had not been more cheerful. What can I say to you dear wife that will make you understand how dearly I love you, and how mistaken you are in your idea that I do not appreciate your difficulties. The trouble with me is how to apply such a remedy as will be of real service, / and at the same time get rid of the trouble. We all dear wife have our trials and yours at times I know are hard for you to bear, but how can I help you. If you think that I blame or find fault, you are mistaken I have not done so, excepting in this way. I may have said it is useless to complain when there is no remedy, but from this you must not imagine that I do not feel for and with you. Perhaps men are differently constituted from women in this, that they do not at all times display their feelings as much, but because we are silent & undemonstrative you must not imagine we do not feel. Many an unhappy hour have I passed in grieving over those troubles of yours which it seemed impossible for me to remedy, and which my judgment told me an attempt to remedy on my part might / only create greater trouble. But for all your troubles and the way in which you have overcome them I have loved you all the more dear wife. How am I to satisfy you of this? Tell me and I will see if I can come up to your wishes. Of one thing be convinced dear wife that you are dear to me as ever wife was to husband, and you are all in all to me.

 

            I have been interrupted numberless times in writing thus far, and it seems almost impossible to get my letter finished. You must not therefore find fault if my letter is disconnected or stupid, for I am writing under difficulties which almost prevent my writing atall.

 

And now in regard to your coming on to this region. It would be impossible to have you come to such a place as this for there / no place for you to stay and besides our stay here is altogether uncertain. I am expecting every day orders to move forward. You cannot therefore join me now but perhaps in a little while you might make arrangements to come on as far as Washington so as to be ready to join me whenever we go into winter quarters. What do you say to this? I leave it for you to decide. If you think it will do under all the circumstances for you to come on if you will write me word I will ask Ev to look out for a suitable place for you to board until I can either come to you or you can come to me. Write me at once and as soon as I hear from you I will write to Ev. What Tot will do in regard to Miss Oglesby I cannot tell but I am not willing to have your plans & mine interfered with so as to prevent our meeting. We expect to move on Warrenton when we advance

 

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and if we should stop there it would be a nice place. So you think I did not mention baby in my last letter. I would like to know if I did not send love to the children and if that does not include her ladyship? If you think not I will send by you now a special kiss right for her little mouth, providing she is a good girl.

 

Love to the children & Eliza and loving kisses to darling wife.             M^cLean

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