Camp at Rolla

                                                                                              Jan 19^th 1862

 

Dear Sarah

                        Your letter dated Jan 12^th was rec^d yesterday & I hasten to reply especially as we are about leaving the delectable town of Rolla on another chase after the redoubtable rebel General Price whom report says is now fortifying himself near Springfield. five companies from our regt leave tomorrow the rest day after/the 36^th Ill 25^th Ill 35^th 44^th Ill & the 3^d Ill & 1^st Mo Cavy with four or five field batteries left last thursday & Col. Phelps Missouri regt this morning. the officers feel confident of catching Price before long but I have some doubts of it myself. Price is a smart man & a good General if he is Secesh. This is a miserable climate in the winter one day we are suffering with the cold & the next we are wading around in mud a foot deep. since I wrote you I have rec^d letters from mother Aunt Miranda & Cousin Roswell Field of St Louis He has been living in/St Louis some years & I never knew it till a short time since. I was in the city last fourth of July & twice since then & might have gone & seen him as well as not if I had known he lived there. I am sorry I did not know it as I have not seen him in eight or nine years. you speak of Farnsworths cavalry regt as being such a fine one & wish I was with it. I am very well contented however to stay with the 19^th Ill Infantry besides we have the honor of being the first regt from Ill sworn in for three years & I like the soldiers too . wholesouled/generous boys though a little wild. their chief fault however consists in a too free appropriation of hogs sheep & cattle when on the march the boys generally take what they want when in a secesh country. but the officers as a general thing I do not like they think too much of the almighty dollar & too little of their country they are making more money now than ever before & are not very anxious to close the war. but there are exceptions some of our officers are real good honest men who came from pure patriotism but they are few & far between but enough of them. they are over us and if they are tyrants/all we have to do is to grin & bear it. do the best we can & hope for the end of the war. You wished me a happy new year & a lively time we had of it if not a happy time for me. at precisely twelve oclock on the last night of the old year the bands (nine in number) commenced playing, cannon firing & discharges & the boys cheering & nearly all the soldiers were out blaring away with their muskets & the noise & confusion was kept up till morning. the next evening/we had a military ball at the Tiffany house at Rolla althoug the ball was a private ball yet several of the officers were present with their ladies. many of the citizen ladies were present & with the excellent music & splendid supper the affair passed off very pleasantly. Your concert must have been a very great affair & I should have liked very much to have been in Elk Grove & heard the songs which must have been very fine for I know there are some good singers in that little town but it is now no time to think of home & friends with over two years of slavery before me. the anthem, How/beautiful in Zion is indeed a spendid piece I heard it often in Bennington Vermont & admired it much. The refugees & niggers are plenty in Rolla & a truly miserable set they are. the niggers look by far the best fed & happiest. You wish to know how I pass my sundays, mostly writing & reading in my little bible we have no preaching in the regt now. but I try to stay in my quarters & read & meditate & try to make myself better. Mr Scotts song about the nigger is a bout right. I am as much of a democrat as ever I did not enlist to free niggers but to put down rebellion/

union men should be allowed to keep their slaves & the Secesh slaves captured by the federal forces should be sold to help pay the expense of the war or set at work on the fortifications but I would never free them for I do not think it is best for them. Since I wrote last I have supplied myself with stockings from government & do not need anything more at present besides it there would be little chance of getting a package from Ill at the present time I thank you just as much though as if I actually rec^d them. it is gratifying to know that one is remembered/by absent loved one. our hospitals here are not in the best condition but there are others in this state which are destitute of every comfort. the one in Sedalia are & another in Tipton are miserably attended to & the patients suffer very much. I am glad that you contributed to make Co D of the cavalry comfortable for the winter but such sympathy would be entirely thrown away on the 13^th the boys want nothing but what they can capture from Secesh give them a fair sight &/& they can live wherever rebels can. You do not like the I idea of my becoming an officer I have no desire for an office in the volunteer service but I would like one in the regular service [?] but in spite of the fatigues & hardships of a soldier I like the service better & better every day. I love my country & I am pleased with her service not that I need a commission to make me willing to fight for the stars & stripes. but an officer has the pay to support a family which a private does not. because a man is an officer it does not follow that he must be such an one as you describe, a person can be/an officer & a man too. Although you are sorry for writing so poor a letter (as you say) yet I am very well satisfied with my Sarahs letters only I wish I could get them oftener. Dear Sarah you cannot think how great an effect your love & advice have had upon me how they soften the roughness of my nature & make me ambitious of becoming a good man & of some standing in society. a soldier has great temptations to contend with & unless he watches himself closely he is in danger of being ruined for life. May God remove from me temptation & suffer me not to be led into evil. Sarah I owe you a/great deal but I will sometime repay you. I wish to make you happy & I love you enough to make any sacrifice for that end. the greatest desire of my life is to be worthy of one that I love so devotedly. may God forgive me if I love you more than I should. but perhaps you will think I am foolish for writing this. my letter is growing long & it is getting late so I think I will close. will you not write to me soon dearest & I will answer as soon as I receive your letter. so good bye darling & may God bless & protect you.

                                                Theodore

(Direct as before)

SOURCES