Near Vicksburg

                                                                        June 30^th 1863

 

Dear Sarah

                        Your welcome letter of the 8^th inst I rec^d more than a week since but I have had so much duty to do that I have been unable to reply until today. Vicksburg is not taken yet & we still occupy the same position that we first took. how long Vicksburg will hold out it is impossible to say. we all hope the time will be short but at present things wear about the same aspect as ever. Last Wednesday our troops tried to blow up a rebel fort opposite Logans division but only partially succeeded after the explosion our boys charged into the fort & held it/for 24 hours but were finally obliged to retire. in a day or two the attempt will be made again on the same fort & on another opposite Blair. I hardly think it will amount to much. for the last two or three weeks our regt has been lying quietly in camp in a deep ravine doing nothing but picket duty & a little digging. we are thus exempt from fighting on acct of the brigade being the smallest here. our whole brigade (6 regts) hardly numbers 1200 fighting men. our regt is in Gen Steeles division & has done very little fighting We were ordered into the charge of May 22^nd but while going to the position assigned us we were ordered back by Gen Steele who said that if the regt took that position there would not have been a man of us alive in ten minutes./

 

thus far we have lost but few men since leaving the [?] & I am glad of it too, the regt is small enough. there has been a great many brave deeds done at Vicksburg but we have not yet had an opportunity of distinguishing ourselves. in Blairs & Logans divisions there was a call for volunteers & those that volunteered fought nobly. I think the office of 3^d corporal a poor reward for Young Goulds gallantry, but the furlough is a good thing. I am sorry that you should feel any anxiety in my for me. if I am wounded or dead you will surely hear of it soon enough. in the situation I am now in it is impossible to write often, but if any ill befalls me I will surely let you know. if I am dead you will hear it from mother. I am glad to hear that Daniels health/has been perfectly restored. from your account he must have been very sick & you have reason to be thankful for his recovery. Dan has many friends who would have mourned his loss sincerely. I have often wondered why so many fine upright young men, with thousands of friends to mourn for them, should be taken instead of those those that are alone in the world & with out religion or refinement. often have I wondered why I should be spared & those a thousand times more worthy of living should be cut down by my side. I would not wish any one to come after me in case I were sick or wounded. it would only be a trouble & expense to them & probably do me no good. as you say, it is no place for a lady here. & I do not wish to see either father or brother here as citizen or soldier./

 

From your acct you must indeed have a great deal of work to do now I hope you will be careful & not work too much. You know you are not as strong as some & must be careful take good care of yourself. I should be sorry to come home at the end of my three years & find you not looking as well as when I left, on the contrary I expect you will look much better (that is in health). Mr. D. sermon was very good. but his illustrations would hardly have passed before a congregation of soldiers. in regard to loving mankind, I do not think I could love any man whatever his virtues. I would think he was a very good man but that would be all. if I heard of a man offering to die for a criminal stranger I should say the man was crazy/such universal love, I think is unnatural & I should pity the poor man instead of loving him But God is not man. some things that in God are pure & worthy of all praise in man are absurd. but I am not able to discuss this subject & will drop it. I think & act for myself & am not ruled by any mans opinion though he may be a clergyman. I have a conscience & if I obey it I feel that I will do about right. in my humble opinion if we had fewer priests in the country we would be better off. I do not say that they are all knaves, but I know they are not all honest men. I like to see them preach the gospel & let the sinners have politics the clergy has done as much towards creating strife as the politicians. instead of preaching peace they preach war & instead of love hatred./

 

you must pardon me for thus writing, I do not wish to appear forward, or to interfere with what is none of my business. but you know I am rather hasty in speaking what it would be more to my interest to keep still. I do not look upon religion as some do. I do not think one must join a church or attend preaching. religion with me is summed up in few words (“Love God & love thy neighbor,”) it is something that changes a man from evil to good. that sudues his evil passions & cultivates the good. but I will not exhaust your patience. I can tell you more on this subject than I can write

 

I have rec^d your letter acknowledging the rect of the money. we were paid 26 dollars a few days since by express I sent you 20 by express, a small sum but just twenty dollars more than I have any use for at present/

 

the change that you speak of I do not want. you can do what you please with it only dont give anything to the sanitary or the foreign mission as I consider them as great humbugs as negro equality, or colonization. We are now having very warm weather, but these hills are a good thing My health is good if not better than it has been since I enlisted & with the prospect of only eleven months more in the service I am comparatively contented. but by this time you must be tired & I will close. when Vicksburg is taken I will write again. do not fail to write me often. your letters are thankfully rec^d. Remember me to Daniel & Mr Hubbard. like will you oblige by by taking five dollars of the 20 & buy something for little Sarah Cooley or give her the money. I promised her a present long ago. Direct your letters as before.

 

                                    Good bye,

SOURCES