New Berne North Carolina

                                                                                                Thursday May 7^th 1863.

 

My Dear Dear Martha.

                        We have had an opportunity to send letters home for two days in succession and now again to day I presume we may not have another for some time. I have not missed a mail yet I believe in writing to you except when I have been on expeditions. I think it to late to begin now—

 

I imagine you are having a cold northeast storm today as the wind blows from that direction and the air is quite chilly. We have not had a rainy day for some time which is quite remarkable at this season of the year they say.

 

Thunder showers come up very suddenly here. Almost before one is aware that there is a cloud about the rain is coming down in torrents. The thunder is very heavy. I presume I enjoy these showers full as well as I should if on guard. I think I never saw so beautiful a green as the leaves of the trees have here I dont know whether it is because I have seen so much of these dark frowning pines or whether / the foliage is realy greener here than at home, but I never enjoyed before seeing the trees leave out as I have this spring.

 

The town is so completely hidden by the trees now that they have leaved out that as you look upon it from the other side the Trent it looks more like an old forrest than like a town No one would dream that a town was hid away here were it not for the steeples which rise above the trees.

 

Mr James is not to return from Beaufort till Saturday. So that I am my own master yet. I enjoy very much my time at the office some days I do not have any callers for an hour or two which gives me a fine time to read and write. I wish I had a good library to go to. I have The Atlantic an Harpers Magazines and a few books but not as many as I wish. If I had not lost my Latin Lessons I might have studied considerable, though I fear it would have required considerable effort to have done. I have not felt very much like study since I have been here though I have enjoyed reading very much. I am subject to too many interruptions to do much at studying. Besides I feel now too uncertain what I shall do in the future to nerve myself up to making preparation for anything—/

 

I look forward sometimes and wonder what I shall do if spared to reach home again but that is about as far as I ever get. I believe some way will be open for me and there I let it rest. Sometimes I feel as though I could not bear the thought of again subjecting myself to the wearing routine of the school-room. And again when I think of I do not feel as though I wanted to do anything else.

 

You wrote that Mr Goodale thought that Marlboro was the place for me. I wonder what he would have me do there. I do not think myself that there is any place where I should be more myself than in Marlboro. But I cannot live without business of some kind. But enough of this I am now in North Carolina. It will be time enough to plan for the future when I become my own man again.

 

It seems almost like a dream when I look back over these months that I have been away from you. They have passed much more quickly than I feared they would. more quickly to me perhaps than to you as I have been seeing new sights gaining new impressions and forming new associations, while you have been constantly surrounded by old familiar scenes all of which would remind you of times when we have enjoyed them together. I am very glad that you have been / so well sustained in our separation there for I am almost glad sometimes that it has been necessary for it has developed in you a strength of purpose and of will which I doubt if  you yourself knew before that you possessed. In the evening I often take a seat on the piazza of our house and think over and almost live over the days and years of my past life. I often wish you could be with me then in body as you often are in spirit.

 

I realize quite freehly how great changes a few years bring about when I think that Fisher and I who used to be so intimate at East Hampton are both in this city and yet have not met at least have not recognized each other yet. I have seen him a number of times But do not know yet whether he recognizes me or not. If I meet him accidentally sometime I shall make my self known to him and I can then tell whether he wishes to know me here or not. Perhaps it is pride but I dont want any body above me to feel obliged to know me. My health is still excelent I have not seen Mr Hastings since I wrote last

No news of especial interest

 

                        Affectionately Yours

                                                            Charles W Hill

 

Much love for you and Eddie

Regards for all

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