I mean for Nat I have talked to you & told you things as I never did anyone in the reg. outside of Johnnie & for I always liked you Nat & placed all confidence in you as a friend to Johnnie & to me & you well know before you asked me that question that there was no one that I could go to as I could "Mrs Amy Day" for I told her my troubles in Cairo & also as long as I wrote to her for you well know how Johnnie used to stay out night after night when there & what condition he came home in which if I am not mistaken you were very often with him Nat let me ask you would you if you had of had a family out there with you would you of gone from them as often as Johnnie did & drink & come home to your family & think you was doing right think Nat what my feelings were then as was said in that peice that you all had sent from there what her feelings are can be imagi / imagined when caused by her misconduct I know I have done wrong & no one knows what my feelings are when I think of it no one but "God" but Nat was I the only one to blame that such a disgraceful peice should of been published about me Lieut. Blackman little knows what he has done he little knows what suffring he has caused & I trust he may ever be spared the trouble that I have had in the cruel world he has sisters I think & if ever they are married & their husband neglect & cease to care for them & they then turned for sympathy from some one & are entirely alone from their friends & from all society he will then have sympathy for those so situated. has he never done any wrong in this world that he should be so eager to crush me or what have I ever done to him or any other Officers that they are willing to ruin me to the public I have ever tried to treat you all alike & would of / done all in my power for you all & have often Nat befriended some of you Officers when I have been told that I loved the Men better than my own sex Oh! Nat I wish I could tell you many things which I do not trust on paper but if ever I live to see you I will then talk free with you as I always have done. You spoke of having those letters published to defend Johnnie character it is not his that is gone Nat it is mine for no one here outside the family has heard anything said against him or never shall I bear up the best I can with that awful peice & patiently wait for my future conduct to prove that I am innocent of what I have been accused of & if it is never corrected & my character is never redeemed to the public by correcting this peice I will try & live a life that will show that I am not so base as represented. You spoke of me not sending for you when I got to "Fort Craig" /

 

excuse all imperfection

I will tell you Nat the reason I did not call for you Johnnie told me that he told you all which no doubt did & he said you blame me altogether & that I need not expect to find a friend in you & for that reason Nat I did not call for you not because I had any hard feelings towards you or I never have had or never shall for your kindness towards me do not for once think that I ever forget any one when they once befriend me no matter how they use me afterwards or think towards me I am not entirely heartless Nat. I can assure you that I was very much surprised when you came to see me & I saw how kind you was to me. I said surely Johnnie is wrong in what he told me of you I will never forget you Nat or any other of the Officers for their kindness to me no matter how they feel towards me now. Nat I will no longer encroach upon your time. I only ask if you do not think to hard of me I will gladly receive every letter you will write & answer with great pleasure. Adieu from your friend Julia Warner

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