New Haven July 17^th 1862.

 

My Dear Father:

                        I have sorry, sorry news for you. I know you half expected it, but the blow to you must be severe enough at the lightest. I will not keep you in suspense, nor will I cover up or conceal anything. My marks have amounted to 48, having incurred 16 this term, and therefore, by law, I am, for the time being, not a member of College. My dear Father, I beg of you, my best earthly friend, not to throw aside this letter now, and give up your unfortunate son, as you have sometimes seemed inclined to do, as wholly ruined, but, with me, look over the past, and consider the exact condition of the present. Three years ago, I came to Yale, with a tolerably successful career at the Academy behind me, and a pretty good fit in the languages, and none in mathematics to start with. You and all my friends expected me to take my place in the first rank of scholars, and I too had the desire if not a full expectation of doing so. I tried it the first year, studied hard and faithfully, and failed, so that the result of one year's work was nothing more than a fair stand, few friends, and no literary culture. Then I asked myself the sober question—Would it not be better for me to take some of the time that / I am spending in digging out Greek roots and performing abstract problems, for reading, writing, and the cutivation of a literary sociability (which you know does exist in College). I decided on the last course—decided honestly and faithfully. I thought, and I must still hold to the opinion, that it was better to drop the certainty of a failure in one direction for a chance of success in another—to lose the acquisition of a few blind formulae and rules, for a taste and power of writing and speaking, which if acquired could but be of use in active life. Was not the choice well taken? You will say—What has been the result? In answering this question, you must expect that I will speak more plainly than I have ever done, and say a few things which, under other circumstances would never have been known to you. Freshman year I went into Prize Debate, and was unsuccessful. Soph. year I took the second prize, whipping two men who took prizes over me Fresh. The first term Soph I took no prize in Composition. The second term I took the third. During the whole of Fresh. year, I ws unknown to the body of the class, as I did nothing. At the end of Soph. I was elected Junior Orator for Statement of Facts, with out opposition, and this year as unanimously, Sen. Orator. Also at the end of this year, I am recognized by the class above, as one of the first fifteen men in my class. Thus far, in the new path I laid out for myself, I have been successful in every trial I have made of myself against others. Thus much will be acknowledged by / any man in College, but I must offer as my apology for parading the facts before you, the position of affairs at present. How far this state of things can be traced back to my falling off in my studies, it is now for me to say. And with all frankness I own, than my habits of irregularity have grown upon me of late, owing to the nearly secondary position I have given to the daily routine prescribed for us in our studies. I have allowed my marks to accumulate by absences and egresses, till at last they overreached me. Add to this a good deal of genuine indisposition, and you have the whole cause of the present disaster. And now, while I must say that what will seem my disgrace and yours, involves no moral delinquencies (I have it from the President's lips): and while I can return after one term, and perhaps sooner, on a better footing than I have occupied; yet I must & do blame myself greatly for my carelessness in the matter of marks, which will cause you some anxiety and sadness. I am sorry, very sorry, that this has happened. I think my general course has been conscientiously taken, but I should not have been so unmindful of the contingent possibility which at last takes the form of a stern reality. I did not expect it. The faculty have of late become very much more strict than formerly, and wishing to make an example to our class, three yesterday were treated as I have above described. And now, as to the future. Let me state my views, and I shall expect to hear from you very soon. If you will look at the case coolly / and fairly, and not allow a Father's anxiety and love for his son exaggerate the ugly features of it, I am sure I can stand it, and I will keep up in the studies of next term, and reenter as soon as possible. But if you desire, the whole affair may be hushed up, and I will enlist immediately, while the excitement of volunteering is at its heighth. Will you please inform me what you think of the two plans? A third would be, to begin reading law with Mr. Wait. In any event I shall leave my furniture & books in the hands of my chum, who will take the best care of them until I make some definite arrangements. I need not come home under a week, which will be the end of the term. Above all things, dear Father, do not be discouraged. I have the best reasons for being down spirited, and I am so indeed, but I do not feel like giving up yet. Prof. Thacher has been very kind to me, and gives me the greatest encouragement for the future. I shall be home next Wed. or Thursday, and will send my bills before that, so that we may end up all square.

 

I have heard very little from you this term, owing to your absence from home, but hope soon to be with you. Please give much love to all at home, and believe me, affectionately

 

Your sorrowing, but not desponding son

Charlie—

 

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Cha^s

July '62

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